I'm watching Titanic for the first time ever tonight. (No, I don't know, either.) Pre-existing knowledge:

- Kate, Leo, boat, iceberg
- there either was or was not room on the door
- every single word to "My Heart Will Go On"

newly acquired knowledge: where "it's been 84 years" is from

piping hot take: wow, Rose's fiancé sucks

Girl, if you jump now, your heart will NOT go on

Rose: "I KNOW WHAT ICE FISHING IS"
Jack: yes, but do you know ENOUGH

Aw, he talked her down :D

oh no

Rose, are you going to say something, or like

oh thank god

they shook hands for five minutes = they want to bang

drawn. nude. girls.

Rose: omg
Jack: ;D

Aw, American nouveau riche lady is a good egg.

I love all Jack and Rose's interactions but I'm also really distracted because Kate Winslet looks 20 and Leo looks 14

"Are you of the Boston Dawsons?"
"No. The Chippewa Falls Dawsons."
L O L

(cw abuse) "sorry mom, before I danced with someone other than my violent dickwad fiancé, I should've remembered that you don't want to sell the good china"

CAPTAIN: "The ice is normal for this time of year. In fact, we're speeding up! I've just ordered the last boilers lit."
EVERYONE ELSE: we see no possible way this can go wrong
ROSE: ....

ugh Jack and Rose are so cute, I can't

the scene where Rose watches the little girl try to sit up straight while her mom talks about the wedding is so understated* and good

*compared to the rest of this movie

OMG YOU GUYS it's happening :D :D :D

The most unrealistic part of this movie is Jack being able to Do Art when a naked Kate Winslet is right there.

Cal's valet was basically born to be a high school vice principal. (Rose says he used to be a cop, which also tracks.)

sdfsafhpghghgh CUTIES

LMAO ROSE LEFT JACK'S DRAWING OF HER IN HER ASSHOLE FIANCÉ'S SAFE WITH A NOTE

"NOW YOU CAN KEEP US BOTH LOCKED IN YOUR SAFE"

GO TO HELL, CAL

ALARM BELLS: *ring*
STEERING WHEELS: *turn*
PROPELLERS: *propel*
THE HANDHELD CAMERAS: *are out*

I don't know how to tell you guys this

but

the Titanic just hit the iceberg

Victor Garber is walking around in an increasingly radicalized daze

"I don't want to be responsible for a panic" hmm where have we heard that before

THE CAPTAIN:

ROSE'S MOM: "Will the lifeboats be seated according to class?"
ROSE: "SHUT UP, half the people on this ship are going to DIE"
CAL: "not the better half"

So, Titanic has been a pervasive part of the American cultural consciousness for over 20 years, right? How have we not eaten the rich?

This is now a horror movie.

There's a shot from far away of the Titanic on the open sea. The huge, unsinkable ship is a speck of white in the black. A distress signal goes up. They're so loud and bright on the ship, but out here they're just... nothing. A flash, and then they're gone.