the issue with feminising mlm, a thread by a mlm

before i start, i acknowledge that the gender binary is subjective to personal experience. i myself am a transmasc and experience gender outside of the binary

i also acknowledge that some mlm are comfortable with being associated with typically ‘feminine’ traits and that is their personal choice but this thread is about non-mlm assuming that all mlm are comfortable with this!

a lot of heterosexuals hold this stereotype that gay men have more ‘feminine’ traits. in a lot of fanfiction and fanart, one side of the mlm ship is given more feminine traits and this implies that there is a man and a woman of every relationship.

so many masculine mlm exist and removing their masculinity implies that being gay means you are not a real man. there is a difference between dismantling toxic masculinity and completely depriving someone of their identity to fit your ideas of what a couple should look/act like.

mlm are expected to be flamboyant and if theyre not, theyre met with ‘you dont act gay’ or ‘are you sure’. adding onto this, the way het girls in particular use ‘queen’, ‘sis’ etc. towards their mlm friends assumes all gay men are comfortable with feminine terms.

as a trans mlm my part of the community in particular are disheartened by this as we already struggle so much with ideas of masculinity and gender identity without people using feminine terms towards us just because of our sexuality.

i also wanna talk about the concept of a ‘gay best friend’. so many heterosexual girls have this idea and want or wish for a gbf because of stereotypical portrayals of the gay best friend character trope in teen movies, an example being damian from mean girls

these characters are rarely given a solid backstory or personality outside of their sexuality and rather act as an accessory for the female protagonist. sometimes their sexuality is even used for humour, encouraging the audience to laugh at their expense.

wanting a gay best friend is fetishising. to want a friend because you want them to fit stereotypes of their sexuality is fucking weird and i genuinely worry about you if thats your criteria for a friendship. mlm are not pets or accessories, we are real people who have feelings

news flash - it is obvious when someone expects us to live up to their stereotypes.

this is part of a bigger thread pls check that out!! https://twitter.com/ctbygyu/status/1330639481775534083