Hey so about consent, it's easy to forget that consent is required in both directions. We talk about needing consent before you beat someone, but equally important is consent to submit. It's honestly one of the things I see most lacking in online interactions.

Calling someone by a title requires consent. Telling someone what your sexual fantasies requires consent. Sending them nudes requires consent. Hell, even discussing limits and possible arrangements *requires consent*.

If you need it, here's a quick and easy script for negotiating. "Hey {non-titled name for person}, I want to talk to you about {general term for thing, not too explicit} but want to make sure I have your consent first." There are plenty of variations, but you'll figure it out.

And people are more open to hearing you out if you are willing to let their answer be no when it needs to be. (Which it will be at least sometimes, even if you do all this.) I get it can be hard when you have your heart set, but let go and create some emotional space.

This gets easier with practice. The better you know them, the less you need to say explicitly (though it's good to check in periodically and make sure nothing has changed!) Top OR BOTTOM, it's *your* job make sure you're not crossing *their* boundaries.

(note: this is not about any of my partners, ya'll great, this ain't even a subtweet, I just needed to go off after seeing one too many dumb sub interactions posted, peace)