When I got enlightened i wanted to write a book about it, but was unable to begin anywhere that made sense to anyone reading it.

Twitter has been working much better!

Did you know everything is already good and exactly as it needs to be exactly right now. Now go do the next thing you want to.

For me? I'm drinking more vodka and eating pringles and challenging myself to find anything at all in me that I am afraid of

Shadows and fears:
-I have quit my job with the inertia of 4 months of anxiously working on an escape room and I imagine I will have the same drive but will actually just almost immediately wind down and go hikikomori and go back into old failure modes

-Fear that husband will need to leave the country because of Brexit and almost total refusal to investigate if this is a real concern and what to do about it

-I had my boss order an escape room mechanism from a Russian supplier and it's been 2 months and no sign of it, when it was supposed to be a 4 week delivery. Suspecting it might have been a scammer and fearing I will be pressed to cover the losses.

If it DOES arrive I need to reshuffle the escape room game elements AGAIN and incorporate the Russian mechanism in the room and I don't want to. I want to be done with all of it. No more.

-I haven't been able to tell my family or IRL friends that I'm going to church now and enjoyng Christianity. Embarrassed to reveal after I made a big deal about renouncing Christianity as a teenager and being a nasty atheist rationalist for so long

-Other stuff in my life that I have IRL only told my husband about, because explaining what it means, and potentially having to explain why it's actually not morally corrupt or insane and reckless feels very intense and draining to do

-Cautious fear and suspicion about the fact I want to help mom do stuff but I have a history of letting her trample all over my self-image and intuition when I try to do it. Am I ready? I can't see where the wrong ideas and dangers lie.

-Embarrassed about doing zoom calls with friends and husband hearing what I'm saying, I dislike being overheard out of context, especially talking about the weird concepts and memes my twittersphere engages in

-Some vague bad feeling about the fact I used to like things and found better things and I like those better. I'm sorry Lady Grey tea, Russia Earl Grey is so much better. Sorry Tumblr, Twitter is better. So sorry old fave party shoes. You're totally terrible now in contrast.

-I don't talk about love life or faith to my therapist, never have... always a secret... and now that I want to gush about both I feel like it's out of bounds, not something that I'm allowed to bring into the session. Feels "too sacred" somehow???