My Brazil bribery story. Many years ago I went to a show at the Circo Voador in Lapa dressed as Superman. It may have been carnaval but maybe not, sometimes I just did these things for a laugh.

Actually, to be totally accurate I was dressed as Superman Carioca, which is like Superman but with a red sunga over blue meia-calça and blue Havaianas.

I was with driving a Carioca friend and on the way home we got stopped on Lagoa by police. They wanted to see my documents but I said, Sir, I'm Superman, I don't have documents and even if I did I have no pockets to keep them in. He did not see the funny side.

He made me get out the car and stand by the side of the road. It was humiliating for Superman and my friend was worried. She knew what Rio police officers were capable of. She was worried they would plant something in the car.

I had my documents at home but I knew they were vencido. I imagined the officer would give up but he was insistent so I offered to drive home and get them if he wanted to follow me. My friend was petrified. Now they'll know where you live! Tranquilo, I said. I'm Superman Carioca.

So I drove home, police right behind us. It wasn't far. I parked and ran upstairs to get my out-of-date documents. My friend sat in the car, her knuckles by now white and sore.

I still wasn't worried because I was sure the police would give up. I knew they couldn't be bothered to arrest me or impound my car because that meant time not spent getting bribes. And I knew they'd eventually give up when they realised the stupid gringo wasn't going to pay.

Nevertheless their patience was running thin with the gringo too stupid to understand that the easy way out of this was to offer them a bit of cash but when they saw my out-of-date documents they perked up. These documents are invalid, they said.

Oh really, said Superman Carioca. I'm terribly sorry, officer. I promise to renew them first thing in the morning. Not good enough, said the officer. You need to pay a fine right now.

No problem, I told him. Write me a receipt right now and then we can all get to bed. (It must have been about 3am by this time.) No receipts, you just pay me what you think is a reasonable fine, the policeman said.

What, cried Superman Carioca! I can't do that. I'm a foreign correspondent, what if someone mistakenly thought I was paying bribe to a law enforcement official! I know a serious officer like yourself wouldn't want to run that risk. This is borderline deboche, I know.

By this point the guy was getting pissed. I was standing at his car window in fancy dress talking and talking and talking and he wasn't happy. Superman Carioca was wasting his time. He was wasting his own time.

The guy was ready to give up. But he decided to give it one last shot. I'm going to be a good guy, he said. I'm going to take your word that you'll renew your documents tomorrow. Now, if you think I deserve something for my professionalism then now is the time.

You DO deserve something for your professionalism, Superman Carioca said, stretching his hand into the squad car. You deserve my thanks and respect, I told him. I salute you.

He hit the accelerator, almost taking my arm off.
I never dressed Superman Carioca ever again. I may not have renewed my documents the next day.