Someone I know recently posted they were thankful for their PTSD because it taught them x y & z...

And im over here like sure. Ok. But I could have gone without the years of emotional abuse, neglect, and more and learned the same lessons.

Im not grateful for my CPTSD.

Im not saying anything to her becuz each journey is its own, but it really felt like a slap in the face to myself and so many I know that have suffered since child hood.

No one gets to just judge another's trauma... But to be told I and others should be *grateful* for this...

Thats the part that I cant jive with.

My symptoms started when I was 12 and had my first real dissociative episode. Ive struggled my entire life with trusting others, how to develop healthy relationships, all while my brain actively fights me.

I dont have close friends becuz once I feel comfortable with someone I overshare, talk without pause, and generally monopolize the conversation. I have to remember constantly to not space out, to listen carefully, and even then Ill miss what people say.

I didnt learn to be compassionate from this... I learned how cruel the world really can be. That your struggles can and will define you in the eyes of strangers. That its best to shut up, suffer quietly, only share your triumphs. I learned how to wear a mask long before covid...

I may delete this thread.. But I felt the need to fight this narrative. Mental illness does not make us better people by default. Its not a "learning experience".

I wish people would understand that were not martyrs or saints. We dont want to be made into heroes who "overcome".

Most of us just wish we were nuerotypical.

That certain sounds or smells didnt send us into blind panic.

That the nightmares would stop.

The panic attacks never came.

We didnt lose friends from misunderstandings or lack of personal control...

Im not grateful for my CPTSD