Thread by @amateurCatalyst, fun fact: enbukyoku aline tough was, in fact, recorded and MANUALLY oto'd [...]

fun fact: enbukyoku aline tough was, in fact, recorded and MANUALLY oto& #39;d when i was severely physically ill and most strings were recorded while i also was on rivotril because my illness was making my mind into a complete wreck

and the literal sacrifice didn& #39;t pay off AT ALL

i got so upset over being snubbed even by friends, i don& #39;t have the energy to work on utau anymore

is the bank that bad? i don& #39;t know, i don& #39;t think so, but it might be, considering everyone else& #39;s dismissal

the character design, one i was proud of, was also snubbed by friends even outside of the fandom, which also discouraged me from drawing altogether

aline tough is a disappointment all over and tbh someday i& #39;ll just delete her and all other enbukyoku aline voicebanks

it& #39;s hard to have joy on anything when you share something with your friends and they& #39;re like "yeah ok whatever anyway here& #39;s something neither of us care about that much because i just care THAT little about what you& #39;ve done"

i guess that& #39;s a me problem, but. well.

this when your friend doesn& #39;t just use a sugarcoated "it sucks, and if it& #39;s your best just give up already"

it& #39;s only sugarcoated because they& #39;re ~your friend~, because otherwise they& #39;d treat it way worse

nevermind you& #39;re doing all of it while your health is complete garbage. it sucks, you suck, you should never be proud enough of anything to show to your friends anymore, ever.

while you& #39;re at it, stop making jokes, you& #39;re terrible at them. you& #39;re terrible at everything. useless.

and in the end i& #39;m less and less inclined to keep going

i mean

sure, i could enjoy things by myself, but after a while it feels... lonely. it& #39;s lonely to create something only for yourself.

but i...... i suck at creating. and it shows.

so, i don& #39;t create anymore.

but when creating is a big part of my being, sucking at it even after decades feels like god is mocking me at one more thing out of... everything, really.

i just want to stop existing.

i don& #39;t see any reason to keep going.

i. don& #39;t see a reason to stay alive.

there& #39;s not a single good thing about myself and not a single good thing happening in my life.

but i keep existing.

i guess god needs to laugh, huh.

it& #39;s funny how it& #39;s never just "my utau sucks" or "i want to stop being ill" but both being part of a massive katamari of suck that doesn& #39;t stop growing and will eventually engulf the whole universe just to screw me up.

i& #39;m tired of it all and i have no means or place to rest.

someone tell god that my misfortune isn& #39;t funny anymore. tell him that he can throw me in the trash now. that my only usefulness, which is to be his laughing stock, ain& #39;t even that great, that there are funnier things out there such as idk a meteor bonking my head to end it all

i& #39;m done. with this thread and with everything else, really.

there& #39;s not enough fleeting joy and cuteness to heal my sadness. it& #39;s like trying to heal a necrotic gash with a tiny hello kitty bandaid.

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