You know what? No - it wasn’t my last word on the subject. I have been distressed about this Sia stuff for days. It has interrupted the one break I promised myself. It has interrupted my progress and healing. I’m furious and broken to see people eye rolling at our pain.

Portraying disability isn’t just another art project. It’s not just another role for an actor to sink their teeth into. Everything you put out into the world about disability will shape the way abled people see us for generations to come. This is no exaggeration.

I can’t count the number of late-diagnosed autistic people I know who cite not being like Rain Man as the primary reason they didn’t seek diagnosis. I can’t count the number of insensitive, ill-informed reactions to me disclosing I’m autistic as a result of bad depictions.

Sia claims to have spent “three fucking years” researching autism. Three fucking years in which she didn’t learn one basic thing about us. Everything about the way she talks about disability is wrong. She can’t even say the word, disability ffs she relies on euphemism.

If you are so ignorant about disability that you can’t even say the WORD disability, preferring patronising alternatives disabled people generally hate, like “special abilities”, then it is NOT your place to make a movie about us.

If you can’t even provide appropriate accommodations on set for an autistic actor to not become so distressed they can’t continue, you have no business trying to educate the world about autism. What you’re really telling the world is it’s too difficult to work with us.

If in your “three fucking years” of research, you haven’t come across the notion that Autism Speaks is widely regarded as a hateful “cure” organisation, where the hell have you been doing your research? I learned that shit on day one.

If after “three fucking years” of research you’re still using functioning labels, you’re either lying or you haven’t been listening. In my first month after diagnosis I used functioning labels in ignorance & was instantly told why this is wrong. These are basics. ABCs.

I don’t know what to say to the Very Sensible crowd who think this whole backlash is manufactured outrage. I don’t know how to explain to them how it feels to see an abled actor flapping & gurning like a school bully mocking our mannerisms.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain how it felt to watch that trailer. The visceral pain of being patronised, infantilised, having our story ripped from us and aped that way. My reaction was wrenching. I sobbed. Just on the simple gut level of being mimicked.

Then I thought of the damage this will do for future generations of autistic children. I thought of the year I’ve spent writing my book, telling my own story with careful caveats, terrified with every word that I’ll get it wrong, or falsely claim I speak for everyone.

I thought of the weight of responsibility I’ve felt this last year explaining my own heart, my own brain, my own life, knowing that everything I put into the world could be the difference between someone being diagnosed or misunderstood forever.

And that’s when it’s MINE to tell. This story doesn’t belong to Sia. Yet she’s treated it with all the care of a wealthy brat who knows if they break the toy, they can just buy another. Sia has not spent years agonising over every word, every claim. She doesn’t care.

To Sia, we are just a passing fascination - a concept she’s always had a “thing” for. For us, she has bulldozed years of our hard work, our advocacy, our careful explanations. She has spoken over our collective voices with a megaphone. And we will live with the consequences.

I don’t have a lot more in me right now. I’m drained from fixating on this. I can’t bear the thought that in future years, when people hear they might be autistic they won’t think of an accurate portrayal by autistic artists. They’ll say “nah I’m nothing like Music”.

And for the record, Sia, I’m disabled. Not differently abled, not special abilitied, not someone to pat on the head and be extra special nice to because I can understand what you’re saying. I’m a complete, complex disabled adult. Disabled disabled disabled. Try saying it.