Am I the only one who gets that “is this because I’m Black?” feeling, not just from negative/possibly racist things but from positive things as well? Like having that question of, was I chosen for this opportunity bc it makes this place look more diverse?

And to be VERY clear +

+ it’s 100% NOT. About doubting my abilities or qualifications AT ALL (ppl’s instinct seems to be to assure that I’m qualified and it’s like....I know I am). It’s moreso, did this other person *only* consider my skills? Or how much of me being Black went into this? (Cont.)

And it may even be an unconscious thing. Like the person wasn’t actively thinking “let’s use the Black” but...it’s there somewhere that me being Black is another advantage.

Like I remember head of English department asking me to speak at Admitted Student Day in college(Cont.)

I was an honors college student with a GPA at like 3.7 at the time, active participant in classes, involved in clubs, etc. AKA, I was a GREAT choice for this (I say humbly).

But I still wondered if I was also being used as the “see our diversity” token (Cont.)

I 100% agreed to it because it seemed great. But that question was always there. A curiosity. “Am I being chosen for this bc I’m a Black? Or is it SOLELY due to my abilities?” (Again, NOT an issue of doubting my skills). (Cont.)

Regardless, that won’t stop me from taking opportunities, of course...I’ve earned them!

But I’ll probs always wonder that when they come from non-Black ppl.

Not sure if any of this makes sense? But it’s thoughts I’ve had for years now and it’s 7:28am so....yeah. (End thread)