genie things that r real but don't sound real

i have this one pair of mom jeans that's my favourite and it's torn not ONce, but Twice at the ass pocket area when i was just doing regular things because my ass was too juicy for it

i was on national tv for being born. no really. i was interviewed for being born. not going to give ucontext for this one

decided being lactose intolerant was a good idea so i started saying i was lactose intolerant and 4 months later i developed lactose intolerance

the first time i ever sskipped class was in 6th grade to watch the royal wedding in our computer teacher's classroom on the projector and make fun of everyone's hats. i got in serious trouble

on another note i think it's funny that our teacher was just STREAMING the royal wedding for students to watch during school hours WHY DID HE DO THAT? >SDFLDFJSD he was very nice though

worked at a call centre and for the 2 weeks after announcing my resignation (that required a mandatory 2 weeks notice) i did not actually work for a SINGLE minute. the director thanked me for my work and offered me a job to come back if i ever wanted to, AND i got a xmas bonus

this is still so funny to me...... LIKE THE SCAM

one time on my way to uni this professor looking old man had been riding the same bus as me and when we got into the subway he let me go first on the escalators and then went "i wanted to say something to u" and then proceeded to say

"you seem to be a very creative and imaginative person, i hope you never change. you exude a respect for others even when you're being humorous." this seems like the fakest story ever but i SHIT U NOT a stranger just stopped me to tell me my personality glows it made me so happy

let me clarify 1) it was not creepy at all it was the SWEETEST thing ever and 2) he was not actually a professor or anyone that had known me previously we had just randomly had the same commute that one time IT WAS SO TRIPPY it's my favourite memory