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I really should stop complaining about my appearance and go back to barely eating anything while busting my ass on the treadmill.
I can’t fix the horror show that is my face and tits without surgery, and my hair still needs a lot of time to grow, and losing weight won’t really change my proportions, but being really skinny and femme leaning will just kinda automatically make people think I’m hotter.
Even if I lose some of my boobs and butt, it’ll be worth it.
My boobs are already way too small and not that good.
My boobs are already way too small and not that good.
And though I like my butt, I recognize that it’s only good relative to the rest of my body, and like the rest of my body it’s completely underwhelming and hideous when compared to other trans women.
Which is why I have to do everything in my power to change as much of my body as I can, because it’s not good enough right now. I’m not good enough right now, and if I want to be accepted and liked among the trans community I need to be better, be prettier and hotter.
That way more people won’t find me so repulsive.
I like this system we have, Twitter,
Where I complain about how miserable my transition’s been and how ugly I am and how much that distances me from a community full of hotties.
And most of the time, nobody responds or interacts with me at all.
Which my brain takes as validation.
Where I complain about how miserable my transition’s been and how ugly I am and how much that distances me from a community full of hotties.
And most of the time, nobody responds or interacts with me at all.
Which my brain takes as validation.
Like, nobody responds to counter my feelings of being a hideous... thing trying and failing to pass itself off as a woman even after 2 years of HRT, and willing to go to dangerous self-destructive lengths to try (and probably fail) to actually make myself acceptable to others.
Which must mean that I’m right to think that way.
I must be right about being disgustingly hideous, and that being the reason a lot of people don’t associate with me. I must be right about being so ugly I’m an embarrassment to the rest of the community.
I must be right about being disgustingly hideous, and that being the reason a lot of people don’t associate with me. I must be right about being so ugly I’m an embarrassment to the rest of the community.
I must be right about my transition being a complete failure, about me never being able to compare with others, and about the fact that I should probably give up and just go away.
I don’t add anything to the community, no one’s ever found me helpful, my presence doesn’t add anything positive to anyone’s life.
Few people probably even know who I am, and fewer still probably only barely tolerate me.
Few people probably even know who I am, and fewer still probably only barely tolerate me.
I don’t belong among my fellow trans girls. I mean, I don’t even really deserve to call myself a “girl.”
I don’t look like one. Hell, I barely pass for human with all my physical flaws and deformities, let alone a girl.
I don’t look like one. Hell, I barely pass for human with all my physical flaws and deformities, let alone a girl.
I should probably just go away.
No matter how much I may improve myself, it still won’t be enough ‘cause I’ll still be me. I’ll still be completely worthless.
No matter how much I may improve myself, it still won’t be enough ‘cause I’ll still be me. I’ll still be completely worthless.
I don’t deserve to feel any sense of community.
I don’t deserve to have a bunch of people validate my existence and tell me I’m pretty.
I mean, I know I’m not, and I can’t really justify my own existence.
I don’t do anything and can’t even provide something nice to look at.
I don’t deserve to have a bunch of people validate my existence and tell me I’m pretty.
I mean, I know I’m not, and I can’t really justify my own existence.
I don’t do anything and can’t even provide something nice to look at.
What am I really expecting? Why would anyone want something terrible like me in their community?
Why do I keep bothering?
I always cling to the hope that things will get better for me, but they likely won’t. I know that, and I know I should just give up trying.
It’s not worth it.
Why do I keep bothering?
I always cling to the hope that things will get better for me, but they likely won’t. I know that, and I know I should just give up trying.
It’s not worth it.
Don’t let the ominous depressing nature of this thread concern you, if for some reason you’re concerned about me.
I’m not in any danger of hurting myself or taking my own life, even if I think it would be a good thing for all involved if I did.
I’m not in any danger of hurting myself or taking my own life, even if I think it would be a good thing for all involved if I did.
I’m fine.
Just sad.
Just sad.
