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After fear of being physically assaulted, or being abandoned by family, friends and colleagues...the third-most terrifying thing about being transgender (to me) is *agency*.
I always considered myself a girl, mistakenly given a manâs body. Sad, but simple, and beyond my control.
I always considered myself a girl, mistakenly given a manâs body. Sad, but simple, and beyond my control.
Being convinced thereâs no hope of ever having a body or even a name that you recognize means you can push away some the pain and resentment and do your best with your assigned role because you tell yourself thereâs no other choice.
Admitting thereâs hope shatters that illusion.
Admitting thereâs hope shatters that illusion.
Suddenly I have a million choices to make, risks to take.
Some folks know Iâm queer, others donât.
Allies want to know my real name and pronouns but even I donât know them yet.
A doctor misgendered me during a COVID test and for the first time in my life, it hurt.
HRT? IDK.
Some folks know Iâm queer, others donât.
Allies want to know my real name and pronouns but even I donât know them yet.
A doctor misgendered me during a COVID test and for the first time in my life, it hurt.
HRT? IDK.
To add to the fun I donât feel like Iâve earned queer labels, either. I still present more or less cis. I see hashtags going around and donât feel like I can participate, esp if itâs a selfie tag.
30 years of anguish isnât enough...I feel âfakeâ since I donât look the part.
30 years of anguish isnât enough...I feel âfakeâ since I donât look the part.
I wore a full beard for a decade without feeling weird about, because it was part of my Assigned Role.
If I wasnât allowed to be pretty, at least I could try to be handsome?
But I got rid of it when lockdown started, and since then the faintest stubble has felt like a betrayal.
If I wasnât allowed to be pretty, at least I could try to be handsome?
But I got rid of it when lockdown started, and since then the faintest stubble has felt like a betrayal.
Speaking of lockdown, tho, that was ironically a catalyst.
Work has always been an UNSAFE SPACE. Misogyny and queer-phobias run rampant in both startups and corporate spaces.
But suddenly I didnât have to be seen, or force a laugh at unpleasant jokes.
I could just be me.
Work has always been an UNSAFE SPACE. Misogyny and queer-phobias run rampant in both startups and corporate spaces.
But suddenly I didnât have to be seen, or force a laugh at unpleasant jokes.
I could just be me.
And being me for the first time is scary.
Even though I knew in March I never want to go back to my Assigned Role, I didnât come out even to my partner for several months.
My twin came out as non-binary in June and I didnât tell them about my own journey until later.
Even though I knew in March I never want to go back to my Assigned Role, I didnât come out even to my partner for several months.
My twin came out as non-binary in June and I didnât tell them about my own journey until later.
Anyway that about wraps up this episode of Whatâs Keeping Christie Awake Tonight.
If thereâs anything else to say...itâs that trans right are human rights, and I hope if you have trans/nb people in your life that youâre patient and supportive of them while they figure shit out.
If thereâs anything else to say...itâs that trans right are human rights, and I hope if you have trans/nb people in your life that youâre patient and supportive of them while they figure shit out.
