A pattern I've noticed in myself & every woman or marginalized person in tech I've mentored or managed:

They don't know how well they're doing & how much value they provide, & even when they're told, they don't necessarily believe it right away. It takes repetition and trust.

Early in my career, I felt like I had no gauge for whether I was doing my job well, and this hurt my ability to feel confident in what I knew or ask for what I needed.

Having a mentor I trusted to be honest with me wasn't enough - I had to choose to pretend to believe them.

Now, when I'm mentoring, I know to look for this hesitance and head it off, but it's also my "one piece of advice" for anyone getting into tech who doesn't fit the typical mold:

Find that mentor you can trust, and work hard to believe them when they say you're doing great.

Why does this matter?

First - standing in confidence in your knowledge & value is a cheap signal to people who want to know who's good without trying too hard. Many techy careers have been made off this signal alone, and you're doing great, so you deserve to give that vibe off.

Second - when the bullshit comes, the value you provide to an organization is the leverage you have to make the bullshit stop.

For me, the first case was being harassed at standup. If I didn't know I was doing well, I wouldn't have known I could say anything to my boss about it.

This isn't a one-time thing either. The first many years, I had to repeat this: Find more senior mentor/manager I trust, get their feedback, choose to believe them, march on.

It was only years of experience formally gauging others' work that helped me be able to gauge my own.

That isn't to say this is all it takes to succeed. Knowing your own value is necessary but not sufficient.

For me, it was this paired with having managers who recognized my value, & went beyond allyship into advocacy & sponsorship of my career. That's something for another day.

If you're a senior engineer or manager, look for this. It's rampant.

There's a good chance that an excellent engineer on your team doesn't know they're good, & you don't know what it's costing you. It literally changes how often we'll speak up or nominate ourselves for projects.

Getting feedback from a few of my mentees - all who have done amazing work but doubted themselves - every single one said the biggest impact was helping them believe that they were capable.

Be honest, be trustworthy, & help them believe. It pays off incredibly for both of you.

Managers: You have to look past lack of confidence and see competence clearly.

When my manager first asked me to lead 1/3 of our project, I said, "um, ok, but, are you sure?"

Now, he laughs looking back on my response, because 3 years later I was Director of Engineering.

Had he been one of those managers who pattern matches the typical confident, self-assured bro talk or thinks that hesitancy means you can't be a leader, he wouldn't have put me in that position, which is where I needed to be for the team.

Managers, please look past confidence.

Wrote a bit of advice for mentors here: https://twitter.com/jessicamalonso/status/1330638080798146560?s=20