I know people mean well when they say stuff like “well I’VE been toughing all the hard quarantine stuff out, so YOU can too” and I get it, but it’s also a variation on what mentally ill folks hear all the time and can feel like an added layer of shame for not being Strong Enough

This feels like a tricky thing to articulate because, you know, I get it, I do get it. I’m following all the rules but often I feel This Close to having a pretty serious (read: life-threatening) breakdown and then I just feel extra guilty for not being stoic enough through it all

It’s one of those things that I really don’t feel like I have adequate language to talk about. Lots of layers to sort through. I know we’re all struggling. And maybe I *am* just a weak baby who doesn’t try hard enough to deal with the things everyone else is managing to deal with

(Which is frankly the situation that has horrified me for most of my adult life! Namely: that everyone else feels the same way I do, and yet they cope with it much better because they are not weak losers like I am)

Anyway. Much to unpack. What does it mean to live with mental illness in a time when everyone’s mental health is being tested.

I know I’ve said this before, but one of my particular challenges is believing in a future for myself. Right now I am really, really having a hard time with that. Anyway. Sorry to clog up your feed with extra nonsense. I know I have to just take a deep breath and keep going.

Maybe I should pitch this. It does feel a bit like the trite “we’re all in this together!” stuff that you later learn is coming from a person who has a house with room for an office and a yard and kitchen that’s not the size of a very small hallway and and and

The stuff I’ve been talking about in this thread gives me the same feeling as when people say “it’s ok not to be productive right now ” and like that’s a nice sentiment, but working pays my bills, so I kind of do