I am tired. I’ve spent the last 8 months caring for #COVID patients. I’ve missed my family and friends. I’ve missed birthdays and my own wedding anniversary. I’ve coded nurses and doctors who worked in the same hospital as I when they contracted #coronavirus. I kept going.

I believed my country needed my skills to save American lives so I dropped everything and flew to New York. I’ve worked in South Jersey, Philadelphia PA, Chester PA and now I’m back in Texas. We were making gains. The numbers were dropping. The curve was flattening.

I was able to leave the Covid ICU. I was assigned to a non Covid floor. I was finally able to go home. My toddler has stopped crying every time I leave the room because she was scared I wasn’t coming back.

It’s heartbreaking to watch a happy child get sad because she thinks her Mama is leaving again. Children don’t understand their parents being gone for months at a time. We were finally settling in and getting back to out née normal.

But then @realDonaldTrump and his followers started this anti mask bullshit. Now our numbers are climbing again. Actually they are worse (in my hospital) than the first wave. I’m going back to the #COVID unit.

I’m going back to a small cold one bedroom apartment and leaving my home. I’m going back to an uncertain future. I’m going back except now I’m losing hope.

The worst part of it all is my little one. She is so happy that her Mama is home. Now I have to leave again. I dread the holidays. Not one of these selfish anti maskers is going to care that I’ll spend my holidays alone so they can be assholes and not wear masks.

They don’t have to see my child’s tears. They wouldn’t care anyway. She won’t get to eat my sweet potato pie on friendship and fellowship day. This will be the first year that she’s excited about our tree and the gifts under it. I’m going to miss it all.

This is what I have to give up so these horribly selfish people can go to their grandmas house and infect her with Covid. Then they’ll bring her to my hospital. They’re not kind. The are entitled assholes who think someone else got grandma sick.

They’re the ones that will follow you to another patients room to tell you their grandmother is more important than the patient you’re going to see. They’re the ones that will take off their AirVo to blame China for the “China virus” they are the ones that call me girl.

They tell me how admirable it is that I “speak good English” and manage to overcome to get a college degree. They are racist covidiots and they refuse to acknowledge the harm they cause.

I deserve a break. The deserve to watch my baby open her gifts on Christmas. I deserve to work without fear that today might be the day I contract coronavirus. I AM FUCKING TIRED.