Read on Twitter
Me to my hairdresser:
"I& #39;d love for you to do my hair, but can we please not make it TRANSACTIONAL? I want you to WANT to do my hair. Your rates are also OUTRAGEOUS, I would never pay your price!! I know hairdressers who do my hair for HALF the cost, some even for FREE!!"
"I& #39;d love for you to do my hair, but can we please not make it TRANSACTIONAL? I want you to WANT to do my hair. Your rates are also OUTRAGEOUS, I would never pay your price!! I know hairdressers who do my hair for HALF the cost, some even for FREE!!"
Me to my bartender:
"Trust me babe I& #39;ll be the most normal customer you& #39;ve ever had. I& #39;m 6& #39;0, white and fit. I& #39;m Not Like Other Clients."
*wastes bartender& #39;s time*
*overstays without buying anything*
*doesn& #39;t tip*
"Trust me babe I& #39;ll be the most normal customer you& #39;ve ever had. I& #39;m 6& #39;0, white and fit. I& #39;m Not Like Other Clients."
*wastes bartender& #39;s time*
*overstays without buying anything*
*doesn& #39;t tip*
Me when making hotel reservations:
"Excuse me, would I be able to make a reservation for tomorrow evening? ...My name? A deposit? WOW, how INTRUSIVE OF YOU, don& #39;t you know how much I value my privacy?! Why can& #39;t you just TRUST your customers?!?!"
"Excuse me, would I be able to make a reservation for tomorrow evening? ...My name? A deposit? WOW, how INTRUSIVE OF YOU, don& #39;t you know how much I value my privacy?! Why can& #39;t you just TRUST your customers?!?!"
Me leaving reviews online:
"AVOID United!! They ask for real names & money upfront, and did not accept my two references from prior airlines!! Remember: NEVER pay upfront, NEVER give your real name. Go with less established, newer airlines!"
Also me: *dies in a plane crash*
"AVOID United!! They ask for real names & money upfront, and did not accept my two references from prior airlines!! Remember: NEVER pay upfront, NEVER give your real name. Go with less established, newer airlines!"
Also me: *dies in a plane crash*
Friendly reminder to join my OnlyFans if you find me at least 80% funny. 
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