Back at the yurt and taking dogs out before I feed them and settle in for DOOMSDAY. PREPPERS.

Just letting the fire get going then closing the vents down some before I leave it unattended for the night, and then we'll be ready to go.

IT'S TIME. I'm fed and settled in and the first episode is going! We get FOUR preppers in a whirlwind tour of weird.

Our first oddball is John, who is just afraid of wide scale catastrophe in general. So he's tiebreaker his house in the pacific northwest into a high tech fortress.

In case of disease, biological weapon attack, nuclear attack, natural disaster, just, yknow, general chaos and horror.

He keeps an AR15 in the center console of his car because of course.

He's worried about "rampaging survivors" and "the have nots taking from the haves".

His gate alone cost $20k. I have never wanted a guillotine so badly. This man needs his taxes raised.

Today he has a South African dude here teaching him to use a .50 caliber sniper rifle.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH INFRASTRUCTURE I COULD PUT UP FOR THE COST OF HIS GATE ALONE

Blah blah security cameras, blah blah calls his office "central headquarters"

He's expecting people to try and dynamite their way in so his windows all have special film to keep them together.

Today he and his security consultant are installing pepper spray foggers.

He has now hired people to try mobbing his home so he can see if all the weird shit he's invented works.

It's just him, a dachshund, and a German Shepherd. In this huge house with all this land that could support a small community.

One of the hired bad guys walks into a cloud of pepper spray from a fogger and the sound just becomes a solid bleep.

THE EXPERTS WEIGH IN
They want him to have a food and water resupply plan since he only has 16 months of food and one source of water. They're happy with his murder plans.
80/100, 16 months initial survival time

NEXT UP! Jeff has a wife and 2 kids and lives in Vancouver, WA. He's afraid of the Yellowstone supervolcano.

The narrator wants us to think Jeff doesn't have much money but Jeff does have his own single engine little plane so raise his taxes.

Not as high as the last guy's though, I'm not a monster.

Jeff has a year of food at a location he won't let them film. Then more food here at home. He has a 10 year supply of toilet paper.

He also goes to storage unit auctions to buy shit.

"I thought at first he was a complete nutter," says his 13 year old son before admitting he now thinks it's cool.

He's spent $30,000 over the last 4 years on prepping. Raise his taxes.

Jeff buys a storage unit for $500. He is now going through it.

He gets excited about finding a lockbox and takes an axe to it, only to discover it's empty. Then he discovers a black powder rifle.

Now Jeff and his son are hiking to the airport in gas masks. Because they're going to out-fly the Yellowstone eruption. They get in the plane.

They're going to practice an emergency landing with no power

THE EXPERTS WEIGH IN
They want him to have better water storage. They want him to have a seed collection and grow food. He says, AND I FUCKING QUOTE, "That's a new concept to me." WHAT.
57/100, 6 months initial survival time

Jesus. Let's get the next weirdo, maybe they've heard of seeds and growing food.

Allen and Franco are prepping partners in southwest Missouri. They each have families. Allen is afraid of economic collapse.

Franco is afraid of the corruption of the food supply due to big business. He's spent $20,000 in 3 years on prepping. Raise his taxes.

They're both doing aquaponics in their 1 acre back yards. The narrator calls it "the Cadillac of preps". Franco is doing way better growing vegetables. Allen is... Growing a fuck ton of duckweed.

"You gotta plan on being a fish murderer while you learn the ropes," says Allen

Allen estimates he can feed his family for 2 years. On, uh, duckweed and tilapia.

Franco spends 30 hours a week working on his system. He grows significantly less duckweed and more, yknow, normal food.

Every time the narrator refers to "a nation ravaged by anarchy" I just picture a thousand communes trying to get agreement between their bylaws for trade purposes.

Franco eats a live worm. His daughter tells him that's gross and she'd rather drink pee. She's probably like 6 but obviously will grow up to be a prepper.

THE EXPERTS WEIGH IN ON ALLEN AND FRANCO
They want them both to get poultry to go with the fish. And have a bug out plan. And backup water sources. And murder plans.
Franco refuses to get weapons or murder.
Allen 77/100, 15 months
Franco 49/100, 4 months

Normally there would be an intermission here while I feed dogs etc but I've already done all that! LET ME GET THE NEXT EPISODE.

We only get two preppers in this episode! We're going in depth I guess. Oh boy.

Our first weirdo is Tom, a retired chiropractor in Houston who lives in a JESUS FUCK 6800 SQUARE FOOT HOUSE with his wife and 3 kids. Raise his taxes.

Tom is afraid of "a terroristic attack", specifically a dirty bomb. When that happens, they will abandon their obscenely large house and bug out to their ranch.

Incidentally Tom is of course wearing a cowboy hat for his interview.

Not sure why he thinks Houston will be targeted.

He refers to his 6800 square foot luxury house as a homestead.

The bug out compound is 700 acres with 2 limestone houses and he calls it "the Alamo" with absolutely zero irony. He has spent $2 million making this place into prepper Playland RAISE. HIS. TAXES.

I'm just. Does he... Does he know how the whole Alamo thing ended?

He has fenced 700 acres with 7 foot tall chain link topped with barbed wire. This dude has too much money. Also he only visits like 3 times a year so I feel like a motivated person with some good fence cutters could really annoy him.

"This is not an obsession, it's therapeutic," says Tom.

Honestly taxing the fuck out of him would be very therapeutic for me.

He has 46,000 rounds of ammunition. That's enough to shoot everyone in the county 12 times the narrator tells us.

He has 9 months of food and water stored, but he's poisoned 10% of it and he's the only one who knows what's safe.

THIS. DUDE.

Now he's trying to make a napalm molotov cocktail. The sheriff is helping him make and test them.

His six year old has "a child sized sniper rifle" because sure, why not.

Today he's having off duty deputies attack his house as a surprise to test his kids. What is wrong with these people.

The off duty officers approach with their hands up, begging for water and help. The kids shoot them.

Tom has recruited Steve to be his prepping buddy. Steve is also afraid Houston will be hit by a dirty bomb. Steve says he thinks about prepping more than sex.

Steve has a wife and teenage daughter.

Steve also checks the radiation levels in his house once a week. Yknow, just to be sure.

Steve checks his daughter with a Geiger counter. "Dad, go check for radiation somewhere else."

Steve's top priority is amassing firearms because he's worried about "anarchy" after the dirty bomb.

Steve and his daughter in the car.
"Where are we going?"
"To the range to teach you to shoot."
She unleashes a devastating teen girl eye roll and bangs her head on the back of Steve's seat.

Afterward the crew interviews then separately.
"I feel better because I can count on her now," he says.
"I'm not going to shoot again," says his daughter, looking bored.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Tom has a goat he's left in a pit trap and he's going to teach his sons to slaughter and butcher it.

He's actually very kind and humane about the parts involving the goat and then he paints their faces with the blood

Like...I will not get graphic but I feel like that was not the way to introduce this to your kids. And I am basically ok with introducing kids to helping to harvest livestock humanely if you can do it without trauma.

Steve is dressing his family in radiation suits so they can bug out to the ranch. Including wearing self contained breathing apparatus.

His daughter is so obviously taking notes to tell her friends and /or therapist.

"My family really came together on this, it was really positive," says Steve.

"I hated it, it was hot," says his daughter.

Dubious teens are the best on this show.

Steve makes it to the Alamo and Tom and Steve prepare to blow stuff up.

"Our families can form the basis of a whole new society, based on teamwork," says Steve,a man involved in plans to murder people who need help.

Tom and Steve plan to booby trap parts of the ranch with IEDs and then shoot them to blow them up. They're in a hunting blind together shooting at explosives.

Steve fires a high powered rifle with the muzzle brake next to Tom's head. Even with heating protection on, Tom is dealing with vertigo causing him to vomit and can't hear anything.

Hearing protection

Tom tells Steve he can't prep with him anymore after that.

After resting and recovering his hearing, Tom decides he can continue prepping with Steve but new safety rules will have to be in place.

The families picnic on goat together.

THE EXPERTS WEIGH IN
They recommend caches of supplies along the bug out route. They want Tom to build an underground bunker. They're happy with the murder.
77/100, 15 months initial survival time

And that's a wrap! They devoted the entire episode to Tom and Steve.

This thread has been added to the DOOMSDAY PREPPERS master thread. If you missed some coverage, please enjoy. I am going to sleep!

Whoops here's the link https://twitter.com/NeolithicSheep/status/1329977224875954176?s=19