Trying to locate my feelings after having been out and, as usual, I'm going to work them out here. I'm also going to make it so that only people I follow can reply because this is going to be raw and angry.

So, come around dear white ladies. This is about you.

There are lots of possibilities here. I could be dead wrong. I could be right, but it doesn't apply to you. You can keep it moving.

I could be right, it applies to you, and now you're pissed. It's actually okay to be mad. I'm mad, too. Y'all have been disappointing.

You're having a crisis of membership. When you were really fired up in 2016 you finally found the wherewith-all to go marching & protesting. Of course, you couldn't be bothered to do it in your own cities & towns, but I think I laid into you before about this.

Your membership's had a problem for centuries. All that blaming of white men as if they're the only ones who have benefitted from white supremacy.

Since we're closing in on Thanksgiving, the memory that's strongest for me that week, 4 years ago, was that you were super worried.

All that family in one place and your racist uncle & homophobic aunt were coming. How were you going to manage that week? You were so hurt, frightened, and radical. It was quite the phenomenon to witness; you, finally noticing your whiteness. The unfriending, the siloing.

The blocking. The lost members of family that you cut off & out of your lives. Ending relationships, taking the moral high ground, and then performing. My god, the performing. Still taking up way too much space.

And then, this summer. There were uprisings. Racism got louder.

What did y'all do? You read books. Book club aficionados, you lot. Organizing the shit out of book clubs. I was really happy for Black authors you read. Nobody else. Oh, Robin. Y'all love her and can't get enough of her. There's far too little critique there, but whatevs.

What you also needed to do, though, is understand your damn selves. Understand your whiteness, the ways you show up, the ways you have betrayed us, killed us, and sold us out for the price of a thing you don't even bother to investigate. You went straight to guilt. If at all.

Y'all are dangerous when you don't critique your books, your movies, and your problematic art. Y'all ignored the very family members YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE INFLUENCING. There was a lot of work to do & you didn't do it. You wasted the last few years by missing that.

Instead there was a ton of reading about The Other. But also, there was participating in patriarchy and, yes, misogyny. You gotta stop blaming white men. y'all have been a problem for a while. 2016 was a reminder that you're so caught up in this thing you don't even know it.

It's been toxic for you. You know that saying about fish that don't even know they swim in water? That's you. Whiteness has eroded your critical thinking about race and confused that with navel-gazing. That water you've been swimming in is poisoned.

Did you notice?

Did you notice how much more work you made for the rest of us & that you asked for it for free? Or that you outright STOLE from us?

When you stopped speaking to your cousin, that just pushed them further to a place of hatred. You know you bore the brunt of that? Yeah. You do.

I need you to get it right. I need you to do your work. Why'd you fail to reach out to your white sisters who are, by the way, just as caught up in this fuckery? You let them fester. Look at them now. It's not as if you don't have your own firsthand witness accounts. YOU SEE IT

I'm really mad at you. I've been feeling this for weeks now & I let it fester in me. Made me sick again. This ridiculous construction that you've ignored. Do your ancestral work. Can you even imagine owning that shit?

But here you are, wanting the 10 steps to fixing this.

Here you are, asking us about any of the people of color in this country who voted for that monster instead of asking WHY YOUR SISTERS DID. The ones you ignored.

You want solutions before you even do the work of understanding your whiteness. The way you weaponize it

You abandoned your sisters and then, hypocritically, tried to understand us. Ain't that some shit?

You have, historically, done your own picking & choosing about which privilege you’d uplift & when you wanted to go against your white men. You cozied up real good at the ballots.

You trade on your white femininity for fear of being oppressed by them but instead you choose to oppress others. I'm bored of your shallow analysis. You should be upset at your ancestors. They set you up so poorly. You should be pissed at them.

I'm still working that one out.