In the past several months, I’ve hurt quite a few people, and I should come clean about that.

Turning off replies because don’t you **DARE** try to defend me or whatever.

Okay, one-by-one.

Hi to the @aznsrepresent crew. I remember you pulled me on as a mod for the Discord when you were starting it up.

And I immediately abused that power—in particular, by trying to play for Twitter clout on my threads instead of acting like a mod.

That was harmful—and I was a corrosive influence on the server even after I stepped down from being a mod.

I was in a “being loud and angry gets attention” mindset instead of trying to uplift the rest of the space.

And for that I’m sorry.

I want to doubly apologize to @danielhkwan. I betrayed your trust in particular.

For a while, I thought of you as a mentor of sorts, and I still attribute my first steps in the TTRPG space to your guidance.

And I made a mess of a space you helped build for imagined influence.

Hey, @Swordsfall1. Congrats on Drift of Dreams; it looks amazing. I’m sorry for sending that email.

The email where I gave “”feedback”” about Summit of Kings.

You didn’t ask for criticism—certainly not for snarky criticism. You didn’t deserve yet another shitty email.

I’m sorry for sending that email to you.

I’m also sorry I didn’t apologize to you afterwards.

I didn’t think you wanted an apology, and that’s not a constructive assumption to act on.

Hi, Omi. I remember you confronted me about the email. You *did* ask me to apologize.

And I didn’t. I told you I didn’t think apologizing would improve anything—or that NOT apologizing would have any consequences.

That was shitty of me.

I’m sorry.

Also, to the Tabletop Shop Chop Discord—that’s @DeePennyway, @CDGuanzon, @FallOnMyBlade, @nicholasmasyk, @DichotomusPrime, @TheDovetailor, and @diwataMANILA.

I’m sorry for thoroughly destroying that space.

I joined that Discord because I wanted to have a mutual support space—for sharing ideas, sharing connections, and having a space to just...be.

When I spoke earlier about having “a crew,” I was referring to the TTCS space.

And once again, I was a corrosive influence.

I mean, for one, I kept starting shit—you all ended up having to cover for my shitty email to Brandon, especially.

And I was reckless IN that space too. I vented in that Discord about the TTRPG industry constantly, and I was willfully negligent about not causing harm.

You all told me to be more careful with my posting, to stop jumping into arguments, to talk less about me and myself, both in the server and in public.

I got too comfortable acting like a Big Fish-type figure, when that’s what the TTRPG space needs the least.

And then there was the time I callously brought up an abuser who had directly harmed people IN the server.

I should have known better. A lot better.

I got a lot of you in trouble, and I especially hurt Pam and Sin.

And I’m sorry for that.

I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you personally, Sin.

I really should have reached to you immediately, and tried to make amends.

And I didn’t.

I also want to apologize to Guanzon and Nicholas, too.

I think my habit of starting shit might have pushed you both out of the server. I should have checked.

I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to either of you.

And Vince, you told me to write this thread three weeks ago.

I should have listened to you the first time.

I’m sorry.

Of course, this requires concrete action:

- I’m going to talk about my work less. I’ll finish Bolt, but quieter.
- I’m going to avoid Twitter discourse and Discord vent channels.
- I’m going to talk about other folks’ work more. Especially folks outside the US/Canada.

I’m also going to stop making #/TabletopChopShop and #/RPGCashLab threads.

I’ll retweet other folks using these tags, but at this point, you all know what I have to say.

I’m also going to stop using the #/AjeyReads tag.

Okay, so this thread is public.

If you’re reading this, you’re more than welcome to mute, unfollow, block, or ask for a refund from me.

Nothing personal; boundaries are good.

But don’t “back me up” or tell me I’m a good person or whatever.

I don’t want to hear it.

And if I have tagged you in this thread:

I’m sorry.

I’ve done you harm, and I’ve failed to make amends in a timely manner.

I hope I’ve improved my behavior since then, but that’s not for me to decide.

Whether or not you want to talk to me is your call.

I’ll pin this thread for some time, and I’ll mute notifications on it.

I’m going to do better for both the people I have hurt, and for the TTRPG space at large.