Can anyone recommend a good TACTICAL COFFEE packaged and sold by a UNITED STATES MILITARY VETERAN so I can FEEL LIKE A REAL MAN while I sip it and gaze out the window at the grey morning mist, thinking about LIFE’S REGRETS?

Creating a VETERAN-OWNED line of TACTICAL DIABETES TEST STRIPS

Who needs ceramic armor plates in your TACTICAL BABY CARRIER when you could just insert a TACTICAL BABY

Oh you’re gonna grill? Don’t be such a PUSSY. Put on this TACTICAL COOKOUT APRON and be a REAL GRILL MAN

Want a drink? Don’t have it in a regular cup like a SMALL DICK COWARD. Put it in the TACTICAL BATTLE CUP complete with PICATINNY RAILS for you to ACCESSORIZE while your wife leaves you for her SPIN INSTRUCTOR

Is your WIFE’S BOYFRIEND making you walk his DUMBASS CHIHUAHUA again? Put it in a TACTICAL HARNESS so you can feel like a TIER 1 OPERATOR on your way to the SMALL BREED AREA OF THE DOG PARK

Fellas, doesn’t it seem GAY to change your kid’s diapers? Well not anymore with the FULLY LOADED TACTICAL DIAPER BAG. Tell the whole world about your FRAGILE MASCULINITY and dare them to COME AND TAKE IT.

Do you like VIGILANTE COMIC BOOKS but LOVE COPS? And you’re also one of those creepy ADULTS who LOVES DISNEY? Now you can say it all with the THIN BLUE LINE PUNISHER MICKEY MOUSE decal, available wherever PRODUCTS FOR DUMB ASSHOLES are sold