I have an acquaintance who is maybe the most EXTRA person I have ever met. A THREAD.

Several years back, she threw a baby shower for the dog she was getting. She registered and EVERYTHING and had a HUGE party. She said, “I am barren and will never experience the joys of childbirth. This is the only baby I will ever have...”

She got pregnant six months later.

She named the child after the store that she had registered at for the dog baby shower.

She would talk in a fake (bad) British accent because it she felt it worked better for her and her family was British and that she could pull it off.

She could not.

One day, she walked into the street without looking (because cars are supposed to stop for pedestrians no matter what) and got hit by a truck.

She allegedly went flying through the air and landed on her ass. People came over to check on her, and when they did, she replied to them in her fake accent, “I’M fine but how are my SHOES?!” and then laughed.

She later came to a book club we had that night and proceeded to buy/drink two bottles of wine from the bar and then when my friend went to the bathroom, made her new boyfriend pay for her tab and then gave him her phone number so she could “coordinate a time to repay him.”

After that, she said that she regretted not speaking to a doctor about being hit by a truck (YOU THINK???) because now she could only lift her arm about halfway.

Fast forward an hour or so and all of a sudden there was live music at the bar. I have NO CLUE where it came from, but magically a tambourine appeared in her hand and she began running around the bar with the tambourine over her head and serenading everyone with “Hey Jude.”

(while allegedly not being able to lift her arm past a certain height lmao)

I went to a Halloween party at her house and she decided to put up several “tasteful” nude portraits of herseld around the house to use as conversation starters.

She would go out of her way to make sure everyone saw them and asked all of us to confirm to her how great her boobs were.

And more recently, this is an honest to goodness post from her FB.