When you are being abused reporting him to the police leads to a social work assessment. Of you. The first time I called the police they attended and instead of arresting him took him off to his friends to “calm down”. I had a 6 week old baby in the house. Two days later

when I had been made to feel stupid for calling them (2002) I had a call from social services. Not to ask if I was ok but to check that I was properly safeguarding my child. He used this to cement his position. “If you report me again they will take her from you.”

I didn’t report again for years. I endured. I raised her against the backdrop of his abuse. When I threw him out the first time he hacked my email, threatened my friends and I reported him again. They cautioned him. Effectively nothing. He entered and stole my laptop.

Remembering he wasn’t there - social services called to investigate me again. Was I allowing him to see her? Why hadn’t I kept her safe before? Would I let him back? If I did they might take action etc etc. No one called him.

I should have called hundreds of times. But it was hard. He was always threatening that they would take her. That I’d lose my home and be poor and no one would want me and I was useless and couldn’t get a job and and and ....

When he knocked me unconscious and was arrested. Social services called me to check I was properly safeguarding her. No. I tried but probably wasn’t. He had visited a prostitute and called me as he did “the deed”. He had reduced me to a shell. No one called him.

Then the second time I got him out there were other times I called ... threatening, stalking, throwing a hot drink down me. Remembering he lived elsewhere.... social services called me. No one called him. The police “logged it” as I couldn’t see the point any more.

When I finally moved to my new house he made constant threats, stalked and sidekick’s car was “mysteriously damaged”. A serious threat was made. I called the police. They issued an harassment notice. Social services called me.

They wanted to know if I was adequately safeguarding her. Ffs. I had got myself and her free. I had done everything I could. I’d provided a good home, new school etc etc. They demanded a visit. They came. Inspected the house and interviewed her and me.

They said he must have no overnight visits and if I allowed this they might take her from me. That if she saw him I must do a risk assessment and provide adequate safeguarding measures. No one visited him.

When I got married he sent a nasty text on the day of my marriage with a screenshot of my twitter. He made other threats after. I reported to the police. They visited him to caution him. Social services called me to check if I was adequately safeguarding her. No one called him.

Leaving an abuser is not easy. Keeping an abuser away from you is not easy. Keeping your child is not easy. Social services are knocking on the wrong bloody doors. I’d still advise any woman to leave and fight the system. Yes I know women will disagree. Let’s change the system.

(I don’t blame social services. They have a list of protocols and their have been horrific failures and I understand the pressures they face and the lack of funding. But something is screwed in backwards for abused women and children)