Everyday I see people I have been friends with for over a decade out at bars, attending/hosting birthday parties, attending group gatherings....

....and, mentally, I have ended my friendship with each and every one of them.

and I am just so incredibly sad.

I have not announced my departure to them. Going forward, they will just not be allowed space in my life in any form.

Because I am tired.

I constantly fear that someone like that (who is gathering with people) is going to come in contact with a grocery store worker that my mom will come in contact with.

People like that are the reason the closest ICU to my mother is full. And she won’t be given a bed there.

So I’m tired.

Tired of worrying that strangers are going to be the death of my loved ones.

I have zero energy to worry about if “friends” will be the cause too.

I don’t have a *mic drop* ending to this thread.

All I have is: I’m scared. I’m tired. And there is nothing I can do about either of those things.
So, if you are feeling similar, know that you are so not alone.
Life isn’t moving along like normal right now. Nor should it be.