I am going to be seeking an ASD diagnosis. Thanks to the ASD hashtag from many, many, many women with ASD and Aspergers sharing how ASD looks different than how it is portrayed in the media, I'm seeing noticeable similarities between myself and those experiences.

Here's why:

1. Echopraxia. I tend to somewhat uncontrollably mimic others. This is also a symptom of schizophrenia, which shares the same brain signature as bipolar disorder. My "chameleon effect" has always been attributed by my psychiatrists to be from my BPD.

I have always rejected that as I never have ever felt I mimic others to dissociate, nor to find an identity, which is the core feature of the BPD presentation of echopraxia. I have always struggled to "fit in," and the echopraxia has felt like a compulsory learning mechanism.

2. Social-emotional agnosia. I cannot recognize emotions in others based on typical social cues. For me, this is mainly about facial expressions, but I've noticed that the contextual impairment also extends to body language and vocal inflections as well.

This is another symptom I attributed to my bipolar disorder, as it is also a symptom of schizophrenia. I never considered this to be a sign of ASD; I am extremely sensitive to the emotions of people and animals, and often times the mood created by rooms or various forms of art.

I am learning now that folks with ASD are not the apathetic people portrayed in the media, but rather, like me, they have trouble with the visual cues, but can be extremely sensitive with their other senses to experiencing overwhelming amounts of empathy, too.

3. Hyperesthesia. I am extremely sensitive to sensory stimuli. With this comes syntonia, or being extremely emotionally reactive to that stimuli. I am overwhelmed by too much of most stimuli, the most easily recognized is my tendency to sit in the dark.

Again, this is a presenting symptom of schizophrenia, so I attributed it to my bipolar disorder. Growing up, this was referred to as "exacerbation des sens" by my doctors, a marking characteristic of gifted children.

4. Sensory processing sensitivity. This is heavily related to hyperesthesia, but it's more than that. This is about all information processing. And I loop in pattern sensitivity here, too, and basically all of my high pattern recognition abilities.

I always attribute my success in all areas of my explorations in both the ideas I have and the execution of those ideas to my ability to "see what isn't there". This is a very vague and broad way to say: I see the details of the big picture, whether they have been formed or not.

Being extremely sensitive to patterns and the processing of data, I both notice subtle details to a very precise micro-level, and am highly reactive when those details feel "out of pattern" or incorrect. This is one of my main issues in social interactions. It's why I seem rigid.

Yesterday in a conversation with my mom, she asked me if one of my step-son's has any half siblings. I knew she meant half siblings from his biomom, but I still felt the need to relay the precise information. She knows he has 2 half-siblings from his dad. I know she knows.

I could not stop myself from responding with, "He has 2 half siblings from David, but none from Dana." Typically these types of interactions with me lead to arguments if the other person is annoyed enough with my pedantry, or worse, they disagree that the information is correct.

4. Dysgraphia. Like most things, this is a blanket for a lot of issues with writing, and may seem untrue given that I am "a good writer". My handwriting is basically illegible, I have trouble organizing my thoughts, and I sometimes write entire words backwards.

5. I am a multipotentialite. Or, as you might have heard me say before (it's tattooed on my arm!) I am passionately curious. This leads me to explore many, many, many creative endeavors, and I struggle to limit myself as I seem to be good at most of the things I do.

The main issue that this causes me is that I tend to disappear into these things as I have an inherit compulsion to fully understanding every single detail and nuance in these endeavors, including the history of the things, the terminology, and et cetera ad nauseam.

I think this is the main reason I come across as a know-it-all. I cannot stop learning. It's a compulsion. Obsessively so. I need all the details, and I can't seem to grok the social cues of when to share, nor how much to share. So I do it all, or not at all.

6. Trouble with "everyday" social tasks. Things like making doctors appointments or ordering a pizza without a non-human GUI.

7. Trouble with expressing proper tone or vocal inflections in certain situations. This is another major part of my social troubles, and mainly I have this issue when I'm trying to explain why someone else is incorrect.

It seems that in trying to express "factual correctness" I cannot simultaneously express myself in a way that is also socially sensitive to how the other person will react or even is currently reacting. This has cost me MANY friendships over my life.

I don't seem to have this issue when discussing certain things (like social justice), even if I'm trying to explain something, though the compulsion to continue trying to make the other person understand that they are wrong can still cause distress in the social relationship.

When it comes to harder facts, like ones based in mathematics or hard sciences, I've ruined friendships over things as simple as orca whales actually being dolphins.

8. I have always felt like I don't belong. I know I'm human, but I've never "felt" like one. I have "weird" habits. I cannot interact socially properly. I prefer isolation. I'm extremely anti-social, and this doesn't mean I don't socialize. It means I reject social norms.

9. Autism shares the same brain signature as bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I do not experience the required psychosis for a schizophrenic diagnosis, and not all of my symptoms can be explained by bipolar disorder. I believe there many be many other women with BP1 like me.

I was diagnosed with ADHD for the first time this year, and was informed that it was likely missed because of my early childhood trauma, BP1 diagnosis, and the fact that a lot of ADHD tendencies in girls are simply used as "crazy woman" stereotypes.

I'm starting to realize that as a high IQ girl, as a child I simply did not receive the proper attention or care. I believe there are other BP1 women out there with a comorbid ASD diagnosis who have been called weird or witch their whole lives. We're just neurodiverse.