This is that horrible (wonderful) fanfic moment when something terrible has happened, but only one of your characters knows it. And even they’re only just realising how bad it is. Oh god.

And then there’s the terrible, earth-shattering moment of...realisation.

Every time he laughs is like a knife to my heart.

He knows...

‘Will you stay with me...please.’

And now so does Sam...

No. NO.

‘Watch out for Sammy.’

‘Saving people. Hunting things. It’s what we do.’

Is there anything more pure than him smiling while he dies long before his time...because he died saving people. Because those people will get to go on even if he won’t.

He just...doesn’t know what to do.

It wasn’t supposed to go down like this. The were meant to get their happy ending. This wasn’t /supposed/ to happen.

‘Let me look at you...there he is.’

He’s cataloguing Sam’s face, memorising it...for after.

‘You never took any of dad’s crap. I don’t know how you did that.’

BECAUSE HE HAD YOU, DEAN. To tell him that he could do anything he put his mind to. To tell him he was smart, and strong, and loved no matter what.

‘I must’ve stood outside your dorm for hours.Because I didn’t know what you would say.I thought you’d tell me to get lost.Or get dead.&I didn’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have you.’

BUT HE WENT ANYWAY,COZ HE /NEEDED/ SAM.RISKED IT ALL COZ HE COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIM.

‘Coz I was so scared. I was scared coz when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It’s /always/ been you and me.’

IN THIS LIFE AND THE NEXT.

‘Don’t leave me.’

Dean isn’t sad for himself, even though he’s dying. He’s sad because he can’t give Sam what he’s asking for. His little brother, the most important person to him in the entire world, is begging him to stay...and he /can’t/.

‘I can’t do this alone.’
‘Yes you can.’
‘Well, I don’t want to.’

That little smile. Dean remembers. They both do.

And because he knows that Sam won’t ever be alone. Not really. He’ll always be with him.

‘I’m not leaving you. I’m gonna be with you...right here.’

WHERE HE HAS /ALWAYS/ BEEN.

‘I’ll be there...every step.’

Just like he always has been. From Sam’s very first step...until his last.

‘I love you so much. My baby brother.’

There’s just so much /here/. Sadness that it’s the end; joy over the memories they made; gratitude for the life they shared. And an overwhelming love and adoration that eclipses everything else.

‘I did not think this would be the day, but it is. It is. And that’s okay.’

Sam (and me): NO, IT’S NOT OKAY. NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY AGAIN.

‘I need you to promise me.I need you to tell me it’s ok.I need you to tell me that it’s okay.Look at me.I need you to tell me it’s ok. You tell me that it’s ok.’

Not it...you.He’s not asking if /he’s/ going to be ok.He’s asking if SAM is.Needs to know he will be before he can go

‘Dean...it’s okay. You can go now.’

Even though it’s not okay. Even though this is the furthest from okay Sam has ever been...coz he knows this one is for keeps. But he also knows how desperately Dean needs this. And he’s right.

Look at the relief on Dean’s face.

‘Goodbye, Sam.’

I love you, Sam.

‘Lay your weary head to rest...don’t you cry no more.’