I used to be afraid to tell a woman about my goals and fears in life.

Growing up, my ambitions were met with looks of doubt or judgement. Conversations became more manageable when they revolved around causal flirty, romantic gestures and adolescent banter.

1/14

I always get asked the same questions.

What was it about your wife that stood out?

When did you know you would marry her?

To be honest, my wife did not meet my expectations for marriage when we met, but a single factor changed my mind.

2/14

Before I was successful, when I finally opened up to her about ambitions, she didn’t divert the subject matter. She asked how I planned to achieve these big dreams. Sometimes she did not believe in my vision, so instead of telling me to stop, she would insist I work harder

When she was buried under library books, I dug up her spirit with immature jokes and updates on episodes of Heroes.

Over the years, we didn’t just grow up, we grew each other.

When we met, I did not know that the slender girl with dimples would be the love of my life.

4/14

I had been taught to have expectations of a partner, only to realise that our relationship was built on standards. Iron can not sharpen copper.

Expectations put the pressure on one person.

The perfect wife: Tick. The ideal father: Tick.

5/14

Standards are a responsibility on both parties in a relationship.

Would we be good parents? Are we compatible enough to help each other achieve our goals?

Standards are not just about accolades and job promotions, they are about shared beliefs, commitments and ambitions.

Expectations are about conditions.

Standards are about character.

Finding “the one” isn’t an assignment; it’s a process.

Marry for passion or convenience but the harsh truth; don’t set standards for a partner that you do not set for yourself.

7/14

In the depths of a marriage the waves have no mercy, checklists fly overboard, expectations stay below deck and standards are at times the only lifeboat.

Circumstances and situation reveal who a person is; not position.

8/14

How will I know when i find the person I want to marry?

Unfortunately, there isn’t a formula for finding the person you will spend the rest of your life with. You can’t mix the right ingredients, tick the correct boxes and then live happily ever after.

9/14

Stop searching and start observing.

People don’t talk to each other anymore. Flirting is not talking. Sending memes back and forth is not talking.

People are conditioned to spend conversation desperately waiting to hear keywords and pitch themselves instead of listening.

It gives us butterflies to hear how much a person wants us, but how much do they want to make us better? It feels good to know how much they love us without being aware of how they love us?

Gratitude and effort are sometimes more important than roses and dinner dates.

11/14

People are unpredictable, and people change; Sanna Lathan showed you that the perfect guy can morph into a psychopath.

There is a difference between dating in your teens and being married in your 30’s. A person can easily downgrade from an A* in GCSE to D- at Alevels.

12/14

Standards can become a burden, and people decide they no longer have the strength to uphold them.

Time spent with a person who doesn’t want to work towards a shared vision you have for your life is a tragedy.

13/14

Time spent with someone who helped you mature and grow is never wasted.

Don’t compromise. Even if you never find the perfect love story, the one, your ride or die, your rib; do not sell yourself short by chasing expectation instead of elevation.