"50 not-First Dates" where WWX decides that he should make up for the fact that LWJ missed out on dating him for 16 years by making every subsequent encounter they have into a meet cute -- a CQL-verse threadfic, by me.

It all starts when WWX, a few years into his marriage, sees a courting couple giggling as they walk through the marketplace and sighs wistfully, "that could've been us but I was oblivious and also dead for 16 years."

But then, he thinks, whoever said married people CAN'T date?

The next time WWX goes on a night hunt, he sends back a letter to LWJ:

"To the most esteemed Chief Cultivator, whose kindness is as warm as summer sun, whose beauty shames the moon into hiding:

I, a humble rogue cultivator, beg for your aid.

I know that I am unworthy to even speak your name, but I find myself at wits' end with a particularly troubling case.. Having expended every other option, I can only write to Hanguang-jun and pray that you will honour me with your peerless wisdom..."

He signs it with a fake name

LWJ comes to help, of course. And when they find each other in the town, WWX pretends that they've never met. But of course, he's enthralled by HGJ's sublime beauty, and dazzling cleverness -- so much so, that he maybe gets roughed up a bit as they solve the case.

Because LWJ is a paragon of goodness, he kindly offers to tend WWX's wounds at a conveniently nearby inn where there is, of course, Only One Bed.

WWX sits on the bed and slowly, shyly takes off his clothes so that LWJ can have a look at his injuries.

He glances up through his eyelashes and sees LWJ looking back at him. And that gives WWX the courage to ask, still hesitant despite being nearly mindless with want, whether this humble rogue cultivator might, perhaps, be permitted to... thank HGJ for his assistance tonight.

Of course someone as exalted as HGJ would never even twice at a nameless nobody like him, and he's ashamed to admit that he's inexperienced and unskilled, but if there's ANYTHING he could do to... compensate Hanguang-jun for his time, anything at all, he'd be SO grateful...

Anyway, they fuck in the inn. WWX gets to pretend to be an untouched virgin all over again, overwhelmed by LWJ's enormous... magnificence.

Afterwards, they decide that they both enjoyed the roleplay, though LWJ isn't sure how to initiate such things.

WWX: "nah, I got this."

The next time they do this, WWX writes another letter to LWJ, where he tells the story of a celestial maiden who has her clothes stolen by a lecherous mortal in a pond. A detailed map and date and time are attached to the letter.

(LWJ checks his schedule, smiles, and leaves.)

When WWX arrives at the pond, he is shocked, SHOCKED! to see an ethereal beauty bathing in the moonlight! It's a celestial maiden! Whose clothes just happen to be neatly folded and within easy reach on the shore right by the pond, where any lecherous mortal could steal them!

Naturally, WWX steals the clothes. Oh, the celestial beauty wants to go back to the heavens? And can't go back without his clothes? Well, WWX might be willing to return the clothes. For A Price.

(It's here that WWX remembers that LWJ, despite being perfect, has TERRIBLE acting.)

LWJ, turning onto his front and helpfully spreading his legs: "I prepared myself beforehand."
WWX, sighing: "it's not that I don't appreciate the enthusiasm, sweetheart, but please remember that you're being FORCED to do this?"
LWJ: "apologies. oh no my chastity"

(WWX makes the executive decision that HE'LL be the ravished and bullied virgin in their roleplays from now on.)

Anyway, they decide that they both like this and want to keep doing it. LWJ is the cool, aloof beauty who ignores everyone except WWX; they both reach for the same book at the bookshop; WWX sees a dog (it's actually a pigeon, but whatever) and leaps into a stranger's (LWJ's) arms

WWX is a rogue cultivator who HGJ meets while he's going where the chaos is, and WWX gets poisoned with resentful energy! Oh no, the only cure for such a poisoning is a powerful infusion of yang, preferably directly from the jade pillar of a cultivator of utmost righteousness!

This harmless fun continues until eventually, WWX accidentally gets kidnapped.

TBC tomorrow. Fear not, literally nothing bad happens in this fic