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tw // depression, anxiety
often times, i ask myself, what am i really doing here or what am i really here for? and every time without fail, i come up with nothing. a blank. this year, i’ve been in a generally /better/ state (mentally & emotionally) than i was in 2019. but that’s
often times, i ask myself, what am i really doing here or what am i really here for? and every time without fail, i come up with nothing. a blank. this year, i’ve been in a generally /better/ state (mentally & emotionally) than i was in 2019. but that’s
not to say that i haven’t had my fair share of breakdowns this year, oh no, i’ve had plenty but not nearly as scary as the ones i’ve had last year when i was all alone and without anyone (who understood) to run to. i’m rambling but what i’m trying to say is that even the
happiest / highly energetic people can get tired. sometimes, we exert too much effort in making other people laugh that we forget what it takes to make ourselves smile. we forget that we need to take the time to step back and regroup. that there’s something more to just smiling
and being a ray of positivity. behind the facade is a very sad and anxious girl who feels as if her dreams have gone farther than ever before. as if her sprint towards them has been all for naught and that the hurdles have become higher and harder as time passes by...
i know that it’s more than alright to go at my own pace. and that no matter how slow i tread this path, i will get to the destination eventually. but being me, i tend to question my purpose and existence every step along the way. am i doing this right? what if i fail? what if
this is another rejection? can i still take another no? will i ever be happy? and truth be told, the answer is still unknown at this point.
something triggered my brain to pause & contemplate on this again. and without surprise, it’s svt. a friend of a friend was able to speak with jihoon today and told him (non verbatim) “we aren’t real friends, but since we are the same age, it feels like i have a friend by my side
in both hard and happy times,” in which jihoon responded with, “that’s right. really, that’s right.” they also told him that they are grateful for him and he told them the same thing. i teared up watching the exchange bc as a 96liner who constantly feels lost, and sometimes
intimidated by the people around me who are achieving their dreams left and right, i’m just so thankful that they (svt) are the people that i look up to, despite being the same age. that they are genuinely themselves and just as genuinely thankful to those who love & support them
they know that we are proud of them and they will do their best to show it. through their music and through their words.
sorry, i know this is l o n g but i just felt like i needed to let out a huge breath. i’m still lost but i’m finding my way. and i’m cheering for my fellow lost kids too uwu
for anyone who needs it: you’re doing well, we’re doing well
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for anyone who needs it: you’re doing well, we’re doing well
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