I asked female ordinands and curates:

If you could go back to the start of the discernment process and tell yourself one thing, what would you say?

Here are their responses:

I know it’s a cliché, but go with the flow. So much of discernment is having the rug pulled out from under you & that can sometimes feel scary and unexpected and you just have to go with it. I often said to God, “God, I have no idea where you’re going with this, but I trust you.”

Take two days off. You don't need to explain each and every activity you are doing - you'll have more to offer if you take time to enjoy your life!

It will feel as if you are turning yourself inside-out and offering your inmost self up for inspection. That might feel painful. But, like exercise, you'll feel better for it afterwards. And hang on to what you learn about yourself because you'll need it later.

There is only one God.

Be patient and trust God

I don’t know how to phrase it but know that no one can take your vocation from you. Even though they will try. But it’s between God and you. Isaiah 42:3

If I was to do it all again, I would trust my DDO less. Being let down by them when I trusted them 100% has been traumatic

Your vocational 'journey' and your experience of 'the process' will look nothing like you've been told it 'should'. That's OK, don't fret about it.

Don’t be too honest protect yourself. You can’t trust everyone and privacy isn’t lying. Sorry its bit negative.

1/3 Don't let the process turn your life into a series of events/experiences that demonstrate something about you. It's so easy to analyse everything through the lens of 'What does this say about me & my suitability for this vocation? How would I talk about this to an assessor?'

2/3 and the discernment process can actively encourage that way of thinking at times. Resist it.

Be aware that the process is very emotionally exhausting, and it's easy to lose sight of why you're going through it at all. Allow yourself to take a step back and re-centre yourself

3/3 around your faith. Enjoy the relationship you have with God, and know that that relationship is not up for debate or criticism as you discern what your vocation may be.

Don’t dismiss/diminish it, or allow others to dismiss/diminish it, but equally, don’t hold onto it too tightly because it is from God and of God, so there is no choice but primarily to trust him with it.

*'it' being vocation.

Again possibly a bit negative but has helped me through a roller coaster journey. Remember the people involved DDO, BAP advisors are wise but not infallible. Trust God to work it out though

1/2 Be on your guard. Most people will have good and generous intentions, but you are uniquely well placed to assess how safe and secure you are in any situation.

2/2 Yes, you should expect discomfort and challenge, but you are part of God's creation so safety and self care are part of your duty to care for creation.

Be aware that those who have been put in place as 'experts' to guide you are human and will quite probably have their own agenda. Trust your own judgement too.

You are discerning a calling, not judging whether you're good enough.

You can run but you can't hide!

Do not worry! And enjoy the ride...you'll have a great time and a lot of laughs on the way