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my fuck it, death. playlist is so fucked up yet it gives me an eerie sense of calmness. must be the scorpio szn effects.
i feel like my shadow side is really coming out this szn but at the same time i feel so at peace because this is also a part of me that not many know about
i guess its called 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Funken" aria-label="Emoji: Funken">embracing https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Funken" aria-label="Emoji: Funken"> the shadow side and learning how not to fall into depressive habits through it
i also feel like im in the chrysails stage. i feel like hermitting myself. i feel like cutting off everything from everyone. just transforming on my own.
its such a weird feeling because i really don’t want to be left alone. i really want to have company. if anything i kinda hate how i’m consistently having barely any constant company in uni. it fucking sucks.
but for some reason i feel like im a caterpillar going through some transformation rn. hella weird. honestly idk how things are going to pan out from here but it just seems like this energy is intense, deep yet lonely.
im doubting anyone from uni will bother to stalk my twt or find my tweets LMAO but imma just put it out here i guess. i guess it just kinda sucks how i don’t have anyone to hang around after classes now. not that its shitty but at the same time ive already been through it alr
like in poly this was the norm for me. if anything ive gotten fucking used to it. and i want things to change in uni. but guess who’s going through the same cycle again? me!! seeing yall getting into cliques, hanging out, having zoom calls talking about sch. i don’t have those.
would you call this jealousy? envy? who knows. its lowkey frustrating sometimes. but i already been through this before. being cut off, people who acted like i was their closest, distancing and cutting away from me. ive seen the film and i know how it ends already.
i am just praying and wishing and praying again, for the next sem to be better. no more of such shit. no offense but i’d rather not have yall in my class next sem. i wanna start afresh again. no impressions, no judgments. just a clean state again. start again.
and this time, i won’t be a caterpillar, i’ll be a butterfly. i’ll make sure i won’t fuck it up again. i’ll eventually get my social circle in uni. i really don’t wish for poly to repeat itself.
and love? relationships? honestly. thinking about it just makes me wanna throw myself off the building. am constantly getting hurt over the most stupid shit. ive essentially been through all sorts of shit. what else the universe wanna throw to me? isn’t all this enough for me?
for my sake, please throwing stupid shit at me. relationships are not fun and games. its a fucking teamwork here. you dont hop in and hop out like fucking basketball ball game, fucking hell. you dont fucking cheat on your partner after YEARS of commitment. what the fuck am i???
i am so frustrated. my kindness and loving energy has been consistently misused by boys who don’t deserve the time of my day. yet fucking hell he still lives in my head rent free. fucked up. makes me wanna smash my head against the wall. i hate how i can’t control shit.
advice from me who went through a shit ton of fucked up stuffs.
if a decision impacts both of you, BOTH of you should be accepting of the decision made. dont be a fucking pussy and act kind when deep down it fucking hurts. fucking set your boundaries and say what you truly want.
if a decision impacts both of you, BOTH of you should be accepting of the decision made. dont be a fucking pussy and act kind when deep down it fucking hurts. fucking set your boundaries and say what you truly want.
if a decision impacts a whole lot of people, you will always seek from what those people think about the choices before making a decision. THAT SHIT APPLIES EVERYWHERE. even in relationships. this taught me fucking forever to learn.
everything is teamwork. 2. HANDS. TO. CLAP.
whatever shit show you’re feeling, others are most probably feeling the same way. IT TAKEA A COLLECTIVE TO WORK THINGS OUT TGT. not just singular. SEEKING YOUR OWN WAY OUT AND THROWING EVERYTHING ELSE UNDER THE BUS isn’t it man...
whatever shit show you’re feeling, others are most probably feeling the same way. IT TAKEA A COLLECTIVE TO WORK THINGS OUT TGT. not just singular. SEEKING YOUR OWN WAY OUT AND THROWING EVERYTHING ELSE UNDER THE BUS isn’t it man...
