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I'm so tired and drained. I force myself to be positive which is unhealthy but the minute I try to feel it out, I'm not spending enough time or doing enough. Depression fkin sucks like I hate how I can't control anything. I just wanna be fine. It's gone on far too long man
Thing is I'm acc trying my hardest to make the effort, I'm trying to not let myself get consumed by my thoughts but they do. I'm basically fighting myself- the person idk anymore. I'm so drained. I feel like I'm barely crawling. I just want things to improve a little
I'm so grateful for the gofundme and my appreciation for that is beyond what words can describe. But in the last 2-3 years and especially now, I've had such a strong mental battle. I don't open up to fam cuz I'm tryna be strong and then my friends just don't get me.
One friend fully said I talk too much about a particular issue. I love this friend but little comments like that scare me. I've been let down by so many, but the biggest let down is myself. I'm trying so hard to manage everything and be self compassionate but it's failing so much
Patience is important and I understand then wonders behind it. I pray and cry to my Lord all the time. The things I do for myself just don't align with anyone and that makes me upset too. I come off as pushy and vulnerable and it makes me sick because I see it now too.
And lastly, please Ibo if you ever read this thread to yourself again, keep going. You got this. You may not believe it now but you'll be fine one day. Your pain is immense but you need to let yourself heal. Implement self care and please don't forget your worth and efforts.
