I& #39;m so tired and drained. I force myself to be positive which is unhealthy but the minute I try to feel it out, I& #39;m not spending enough time or doing enough. Depression fkin sucks like I hate how I can& #39;t control anything. I just wanna be fine. It& #39;s gone on far too long man

Thing is I& #39;m acc trying my hardest to make the effort, I& #39;m trying to not let myself get consumed by my thoughts but they do. I& #39;m basically fighting myself- the person idk anymore. I& #39;m so drained. I feel like I& #39;m barely crawling. I just want things to improve a little

I& #39;m so grateful for the gofundme and my appreciation for that is beyond what words can describe. But in the last 2-3 years and especially now, I& #39;ve had such a strong mental battle. I don& #39;t open up to fam cuz I& #39;m tryna be strong and then my friends just don& #39;t get me.

One friend fully said I talk too much about a particular issue. I love this friend but little comments like that scare me. I& #39;ve been let down by so many, but the biggest let down is myself. I& #39;m trying so hard to manage everything and be self compassionate but it& #39;s failing so much

Patience is important and I understand then wonders behind it. I pray and cry to my Lord all the time. The things I do for myself just don& #39;t align with anyone and that makes me upset too. I come off as pushy and vulnerable and it makes me sick because I see it now too.

And lastly, please Ibo if you ever read this thread to yourself again, keep going. You got this. You may not believe it now but you& #39;ll be fine one day. Your pain is immense but you need to let yourself heal. Implement self care and please don& #39;t forget your worth and efforts.