A 100% true and amazing story about the kick-ass @USPS:

About a month ago there was a huge spider in my front yard. The kind of huge that made me cry and consider moving.

I did what any single woman living alone would do, I armed myself with a broom and a can of bug spray. 1/

The spider was suspended between two trees and holding a gun. My plan of attack was to jump and spray it, and then hit it with the broom like a piñata. Classic spider /piñata move, right? Wrong. 2/

Turns out, the wind did not get the memo about my plan of attack, and the spray blew back into my face.

But I’m a quick learner, so I tried again and used the direction wind to carry it up to the spider.

But gravity did not get the memo, and the spray was too heavy to reach the spider. That’s when I realized that my efforts would be aided by a running start.

Run. Jump. Spray. Swing. Run. Jump. Spray. Swing. Run. Jump. Spray. Swing. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. I then take out my phone to order gasoline and find a new home when @USPS postman gets out of his truck in slow motion.

He’s wearing a mask and wielding a PCV pipe. He gestures at me to stand back and he knocks Kenny out of the tree. (Kenny is the name I have the spider). My postman then finds the spider in the grass and sends Kenny home to Jesus.

I tear up and thank him for saving my life and waves me off, embarrassed by the praise and tells me to have a good day.

All of that to say, #buystamps and thank the @USPS. Not only did they save me from certain death, but they also saved the country from certain death. /END