I just wanted to make a general statement and apology for a shift in tone that I’ve become aware of lately. I feel like I’ve been a lot more aggressive and short-tempered as of late and I wanted to sorta explain myself and give an apology. (1)

To make a long story short, I’m experiencing a lot of change and positive growth over the last few months - which has brought with it a great deal of new responsibilities and expectations, which I welcome with open arms, but it is still a big shift. (2)

I’ve brought up that it feels like I haven’t had the chance to breathe since my friend Selim’s passing in September of last year and I think that’s true - but another thing I’m combating is a great deal of realization regarding how fucked up my teenage years were. (3)

I suffered at the hands of abuse in ways I knew then and even some that I’m still processing now - grooming, peer pressuring, blackmail, violence, etc. I have a hard time retaining many memories due to cognitive dysfunctions I don’t exactly want to make public. (4)

A good deal of this trauma manifests as short-temperament, poor judgement, emotional decision making, and defensiveness. None of my diagnoses or experiences are an excuse for this and I’m noticing these patterns recurring frequently again. (5)

I have the ability to grow and mediate more than this because I’ve been there before. What isn’t excusable is the way I must make people feel. I am sorry to anyone that’s been affected by this and I hope this provides some level of levity and positivity to what’s going on. (6)

Finally, I want you all to know I’m doing my best to get better and I’m going to continue this fight to heal and exist as a truer and earnest version of myself. Thanks for your patience and support as always. I never feel deserving but I’m always appreciated. (/end)