okay so the obvious place to start is that my history teacher bit a parent’s ear. pretty sure it was in the newspaper too

there was another teacher who ended up getting sacked for choke slamming a student which was a shame cos he was nice to me and gave me a high five on a trip once

then the deputy head and music teacher turned out to be a paedo with a drug addiction

the old sociology teacher used to sleep with ex students and wear short skirts in exams so she could bend over and show her knickers

she also tried to buy cocaine from my friend’s brother in the pub opposite the school. she works in dubai now

then the physics teacher who threw a rubik’s cube at my brother’s friend. she’s now a headteacher at a primary school

there was a betting pool between the male teachers to see who could sleep with the new female teachers. disgusting but i’m pretty sure my maths teacher slept with my biology teacher and everyone knew

that time when when someone put a condom on a pen and threw it a the form tutor was pretty funny

the psychology teacher is an alcoholic and would say she was leaving class to get a coffee but really she went out to have a cigarette and a drink during lessons

the chemistry teacher called a black kid a burnt skeleton and didn’t get in trouble

that time when someone wrote ‘div’ on this kid’s head when he was asleep and the coach stopped so he could wipe it off but then he ended up using tipp-ex on his forehead

my friend broke her leg on an ice skating trip but the school didn’t realise and sent her home and they made her walk on it for like a week. she has not been ice skating since