BODY: Your kidneys are melting and you have no bones

ME: Ok I will got to a doctor

DOCTOR: Thank you for waiting 3 hours. I have no idea what is wrong. That'll be $250

ME: That is ok, I am paying $400/mo so my insurance will cover none of this since I haven't hit my deductible

ME: I sure have a lot of Covid-like symptoms. Can I get tested for Covid?

DOCTOR: You cannot book an appointment until you confirm you do not have Covid.

ME: what.

ME: How do I get tested then?

DOCTOR: *shuts the drive-through window*

ME: Well, I haven't been outside in the last two weeks because I have been diligently quarantining. So I probably don't have Covid.

>cue 3 repairmen my landlord called into my house, none of whom wore masks

*Kazoo rendition of GOD BLESS AMERICA plays over a peaking loudspeaker*