[PARTIAL] ~thoughts & existing written drafts dump - kasi ayoko nang mag-isip... eme

(palusot at pasubali lang talaga dahil can't contain na, para lang out here in the world na siya till the rest is ready god knows when, pero personal goal is before Wed. @ the latest lahat so gudlak maybe )

[EP.06 snippets, esp. yung bigat na tahi/tali nito sa latest ep]:

On Ate Judit's well-debated 'Walang magbabagong-taon' outburst (among other sequences) and why her actions then made the most sense:

On Austria fam dynamics and how mis- + lack of proper communication manifests as a result ng nangyari sa kanila early on (a.k.a Exodus of the sperm-donor) - w/c also makes the last seq of Ep.07 hurt further, lalo when Ate Judit insisted hindi siya aalis/'di bibitaw:

[Na since she couldn't be that sister to Vlad back when they were younger and when he needed it most (given that she was also going through it), now she's going to make him feel talaga na may kasama siya, in every sense of the word.]

Ang patuloy (or better yet, work-in-progress) na paglubog at paglitaw ng isang Karl Frederick Almasen and why - as much as the pool scene was a DBK ref - it rang even more bittersweet

[Episode 06 throwback ulit for this]

dunno kung sadya (probs; like duh, it's GSP) but the way the background music reminds me of being underwater - na again sorry, given later context - but, yeah

instead of literal water tho, it's like an embodiment of Karl - his real, authentic self - being submerged for so long

kung at first i saw this as Karl letting his real self finally occupy every inch of his body from toe up,

with the bgm in mind, it now looks like Karl finally emerging from the dark waters - from ghosts of the past and of the unseen, from all restrictions he was once placed in

–na even if we all knew na tentative/temporary siya nung Ep.06 (knowing fully well he emerged bc no one else was watching), it had its moment padin.

so to be presented with this scene, even if totally immersed already in being w/ Vlad, na kailangang itago/umilalim uli? masakit.

Karl and his triggers (but always at the forefront, his dad)
- in the latest ep, we see a very overwhelmed Karl, bombarded from all directions. but when we take a deep look, nananaig yung takot, laging nauuna ang banggit kay Mario, even nung Ep. 06:

there we go: main trigger point. actually, better yung Tagalog ver. because it highlights best how it's likely his 'Papa' that was @ the forefront of his mind, how it tunnel-visioned na tanging gusto niya lang is for Mario to be as far away as possible from this matter. hay.

[notice too during their video calls, it's always Ma or Adelaida that comes out of Karl's mouth first (e.g. during kamustahan - reflecting levels of comfort) but when it comes to principles/concern/stress re: something, it's always about what his dad would think or say]

so the moment he's confronted of the fact that he may be 'straying' even more from what his dad expects of him, the panic gets uncontrollably amped up. even more so with the fact that Santi, a relative from his father's side, was one of the first to see this side of him.

Ep. 06: GHOSTWRITING and its ties to Karl's story

/GHOSTWRITING/

JMS back at it again with the wordplay. yes, Karl's pertaining to his work, & yes, it can be extended din to the sadness that he has yet to be credited for doing what he loves most, but may isa din siyang gino-ghostwrite this entire time: his own life bilang Karl.

for 19 years of his life, he does all the work & effort, but hindi siya (for the most part) ang credited, his achievements always shared w/ his Kuya Karl. conversely, whatever older Karl did, he gets points for, kahit 'di niya mismong initiative (e.g. that drawing, pursuing Arki)

saklap lang din - it being one of the rare times Karl shared something beyond his usual talk with his parents, one where he talked re: something he's very passionate about (+ quite excelling pa nga), but he's not heard. BUSY MA-STRESS SI ADELAIDA, HINDI NAKIKINIG SI MARIO.

hay.

but back to this & its ties to Ep.07, all this time (and even w/ resentment very much included), Karl thought he was doing an okay job in writing Kuya Karl's story. that he's playing the part well, considering. that hiding his true self has a point - an atonement for his parents.

so to be slapped w/Santi knew/"halata siya", that he (based on lens of his upbringing) 'erred' in playing his part all along, na here he is dealing w/his Kuya's name written on his every move/accomplishment tas it was all moot pala? it's like free-falling to a truth you fear most

na again, he didn't choose for it to be that way. it was learned. it was drilled. and it would take a while before siya makawala sa mga tanikala na ito. before anything, society did this. to him & to all the other Karls of the world. to Santis, to Vlads, among other unnamed ones.

Ep.07's moment of clarity: Vlad and his flaws

– lemme preface this in saying this acct, with his surname as nangunguna as it is lol do have tendencies to be a Vlad simp. see, one of the many exhibits: https://twitter.com/austrialmasen/status/1322109835479904256?s=20

yes, as much as i maintain that @ his core he is well-aware Karl needs his own time to process (e.g. dat banlaw sesh/discussion-every-after-movie they do) + events of Ep.07 also forced him to a corner via bugso ng damdamin perhaps, but all along he really wasn't meant to be ideal

that, as much as it's a hard pill to swallow, is one thing:
as much as Vlad hates Ate Judit's 'fake' allyship so much... he, too, has his own shortcomings bilang parte ng komunidad na kinabibilangan niya. and by it, hindi lang bilang gay, kundi lalo bilang parte ng isang spectrum

they do say no matter how much we try, our own biases/subjectivity/experiences still affect so the best way is to constantly point out+listen w/c other areas can be fine-tuned; Gege uses him as a vessel, a reminder na even for people in the LGBTQIA+, there's room be improved upon

not everyone has his luxury - na not his fault naman, really - but it's a must to constantly reflect upon in order to be more sensitive and be of help to others. na even if his own determination of identity had its own gripes, someone out there could take yrs to have what he has.

for a better, fleshed-out reading on this issue, totally reccing: https://twitter.com/ParengEnzo/status/1324939331417436160

and this

[for sure, there are others out there, but these two have covered a solid amount of ground - pls feel free to tag too sa iba pa, so we all can read/learn together] https://twitter.com/pinagnilayan/status/1325280949794271232

but that's the thing nga w/ Gaya Sa Pelikula. Juan Miguel Severo created a universe where particular complex issues & facets were tackled, in the most genuine & realistic of ways.

it was more than enough to make us think, reflect, and see the world in more attuned lenses.

nothing in GSP was chosen w/o a purpose. bawat karakter ay may rine-representa/may inaatakeng dimensyon:

sobrang walang tapon. they've emphasized it multiple times already na hindi sasapat ang GSP to tell each&every story sa spectrum (simply bc it won't all fit) but the fact that this 8-episodes-only series did ALL of that, w/ respect to the aspects they did get to tackle? GRABE.

at the end of the day, this multi-perspective approach helps us to be better, to treat each other's story as valid (to certain extents @ some cases, yes ) but it also teaches us to be kinder. wiser.

not just for our own sakes, but mainly for the sake of those still struggling.

[mga random ish lol]

ON personal SPACES: Karl and Vlad ed., Ep.03 drafts - written Oct. pa (bordering creative writing na halos pero ansaya kasi talaga nung intro shot nun so carried away siya ih )

Karl back in the shadows [Ep.07]

-as a firm believer of walang 'di sadya sa GSP, the choice for the hallway to remain not so lit - aside from it being part of Vlad/Anna's plan, still pretty much underlined Karl currently going (further) back into the shadows/hiding.

light @ the end of the tunnel sana yung suprise, but that's not always how life is. well-- on second thought, it may have given a temporary enlightenment for Karl ("Ganito mo pala ako nakikita"), but just like his emergence last ep, it was all but fleeting. still to be processed.

[he has yet to really take a good look of himself and truly believe in it. ]

On what ifs:
-one of the most haunting /could'ves/ to be had in this scene was, what if any of the 3 broke the tension w/ no words - a thumbs up, air kiss, heck, even do a finger heart - just to be a signal to Karl that 'it's okay, what you're doing IS okay, don't sweat it'?

wala lang. andun naman na sila, intruding. so why, not. just really wanted Karl to have something else to hold onto during that - a life vest, a driftwood, anything to save him from drowning at that moment.

alas. it was not to be. he was left to flounder.

Vlad and his echoing pain
- the way this scene still resonates, no matter how many watches. "You were right. Tama kayong lahat." Ikaw. Si Mom. Si Dad. (Maybe even si A). Ang mundo.

Right at this moment he was just utterly convinced: TAMA KAYONG LAHAT.

here is Vlad breaking down, the pain of his past and present echoing back at each other, cries almost turning to that of his younger self, one who wished he had this Ate Judit back then too.

[separate iyak ko na yung kay Karl, quota nako. he deserves his own paragraph(s) din.] --temporary end thread na muna hahahahuhu-- choz

Alam nila, sa kaibuturan, yung sagot.

Oo-- PERO. (May mga balakid pa. May mga harang pa.)

Alam ni Karl na hindi niya pa kayang panindigan, kaya wala nalang lumabas na mga salita.

(Pero... baka pwede namang isalba, 'di ba? Baka may mga parteng maliligtas pa.)

Yun lang nga, hindi niya pa hawak lahat. Hindi niya pa kaya.

Paano niya siya pipigilan, kung parehas silang walang panghahawakan?

finally got these 2 exteriors, but at what cost?

(sanity and tears mayhap. anukangayon sa ready to die. sinasabi ko sa 'yo eh. yoqu na )
https://twitter.com/austrialmasen/status/1318970771117461505?s=20

also just noticed Karl & Vlad’s theme (still just assuming its name lol) basta liban sa main backbone na nasa obb, yung upper synth that appears too each time may KarlVlad moment, eh nakatirintas din dito sa Unti-unti montage

('wag na natin i-mention yung deliberate pananadya ng chosen verse to forewarn us - belated thanks nalang sa lahat slkdlks) then it transformed - even almost encompassing - nung holding hands part na

we are: sadder

[ok end thread for now na talaga lels]