When I was younger, I was very rigid, borderline judgmental. I was raised Catholic and as a young person, that perspective on the world made sense. It was easy. Sin or Virtue. Right or Wrong. I figured out in college and medical school that my tiny little view of the world was

too easy. Too convenient. And left no room for the beauty of foibles. For the joy to be found in imperfect humanity. As a resident and now a surgeon, my entire life exists on a spectrum. Am I “post-call fall asleep at the table” tired? Or am I just “need 2 cups of green tea”

tired? Is this family member who is verbally attacking our staff really evil? Or are they suffering from profound grief? Is my co-worker really a huge pain in the ass? Or are they just trying the best they can to advocate for a patient in a tone that I don’t particularly like?

There are many many things that are black and white. I think the last several years have demonstrated that there were many true evils that were excused as “shades of grey”. We all have tried really hard to bring those things out into the fresh air for all to see. There have been

and continue to be profound injustices that remain unseen and unappreciated. And there is work to be done. They need to be seen. Victims and survivors need to be heard. Our country needs to be reformed. Badly.

We also need to choose words carefully, evaluate perspective, give

people the benefit of the doubt (one time), and reengage the lost art of subtlety- in selected circumstances.

Everyone who responds to an attack with words you don’t like is not evil. When you go on the offensive against others, especially in this day and age, don’t expect them

to sit quietly and just take it. That’s not how things work. Folks with a high emotional intelligence seem to be able to find a way to navigate through differences in perspective, agree to disagree, or simply block and move on.

I would love to see more nuanced conversations.

I would love to see more appreciation for the shades of grey.

I am, quite obviously, not trying to obscure the lines of child abuse, racism, sexual harassment or assault. But for the other issues... maybe stop and ask yourself if your language and manner of discussing these

issues reflects the complexity of humanity and the fact that we are all works in progress, or if it engages hyperbole, logic leaps, and/or logical fallacies. Because if it is the latter, I would ask that we reconsider what it means to be human. Give people the benefit of the

doubt (in certain cases) before you make assumptions. Allow space for human error and the beautiful complexity of humanity. Give people room to disagree with you or ask for verification of what you’re saying without calling names. Or if you choose not to engage certain folks, for

whatever reason, then block or mute and leave people alone.

I promise you, the world is enough of a dumpster fire without having to add any fuel to it. We don’t need to create additional stress, conflict, hatred, or drama... there is plenty out there all on its own.

My bird app is a much more peaceful place since I stopped engaging with trolls, folks who demand perfection, and people who are dead set on misunderstanding or assuming the worst. Block, mute, move on. There is plenty of stuff that requires our attention these days. The Boy Who

Cried Wolf is a parable taught to children all over the world in some format or another for good reason. It’s a cautionary tale that is still quite applicable in 2020.

Long story short () please be kind. Have grace for fellow humans if you can. And if not, let’s try to

stay focused on the work at hand.

FWIW, I did not intend that as a criticism of religion in general. I consider myself a deeply spiritual person. Sadly, organized religion no longer serves me personally. But I certainly appreciate and respect those who find comfort in any church of pretty much any kind. As long

as you’re not in a cult and not using religion as a justification to harm others, please practice whatever faith suits you