If you're naturally a kind, giving person you have a unique and important challenge ahead of you:

You have to learn to identify people to whom you cannot just give without a thought

Because they're selfish and manipulative and WILL keep taking if they see you're willing to give

So you have to set boundaries, and hold back at times, so you don't train them to see you as an endless fountain of Supply for them.

But that's not in your nature! It makes you sad!! You don't mind giving endlessly!!!

Ah, but there's more at stake here than just you.

Not that you should need more: Your own boundaries and feelings should be enough, most of us find it pretty easy to set ourselves aside.

Or maybe you're more like me and it's less that you don't CARE about yourself/put yourself last and more that you FORGET YOU HAVE NEEDS

Either way, you have to learn to set boundaries with others.

And it's not just for you.

It's for everyone else you love who IS genuinely kind, who DOES respect your boundaries, who loves you and tries to address YOUR needs, not just theirs.

If you let someone selfish take from you endlessly, you'll have less to give to the people you want to give to, the ones who deserve what you give.

THEY get hurt when you give to someone who won't respect your boundaries, because that person is willing to take EVERYTHING.

So, essentially, by not knowing and setting boundaries, you reward the people who abuse your kindness and punish the people who respect your needs.

There's also an element of "you're reasonable and will understand my limit, but they aren't and won't, so I have to cater to them."

Which...really, really hurts when you're the nice, reasonable one always being asked to take the hit so the mean, unreasonable one can get their way.

THIS is how, if you're not paying attention, abuse begets abuse.

You usually don't MEAN to become the perpetrator.

But you can.

The tragedy here is you're usually willing to give Too Much™ because YOU were abused in some way so your understanding of boundaries, the right to say "no," addressing your own needs, etc.

Their tragedy is that they ask for too much because they were probably ALSO abused in some way and learned that their needs wouldn't get met unless they TAKE what they need.

And hell, another tragedy: The person who loves you earnestly and makes no demands, respects your boundaries...they can also be an abuse survivor.

And they know how horrible it is to be drained by someone demanding.

So they don't want to do that to YOU.

So they hold back.

MY POINT IS...setting healthy boundaries is important not only for you (and that's important!!) but for the people you love who are respectful and kind and actually deserve what you can give.

And it can be hard and scary and painful...but it's worth it.

So set boundaries.

"HOW!?" you might ask?

That's a great question, considering even HEALTHY families aren't great at teaching this, and almost NONE of us are actively taught to set boundaries, and this is really just...not discussed enough.

I'll do another thread on that sometime!