the vibe is in, so a thread on connection, personal investment, and success Online

I always felt jealous of people who seemed to succeed in "authentic" online spaces--mostly Facebook and now corners of Twitter

why did they deserve so much attention, support, and engagement?

what was special about them? certainly they couldn't be intrinsically better than me, or more intelligent--and usually I blamed it on the fact that I'm simply not attractive enough

of course, that's just cope. the truth is, they were better at building connections than me

intelligent but not particularly socially inclined people (like past Sad) tend to be pretty poor at fostering connections with people, often keeping only a few dear relationships. in fact, they often look down on anything that isn't intense and meaningful, _avoiding_ connection

my perspective on this changed when I joined the improv community and began to notice that small, incidental friendships, greetings, engagements and chit chats IRL turned into online engagement and support from those I vibed naturally with

I always got "likes" from my closest friends, but suddenly I was getting "likes" from people I barely knew! and even unexpected amounts of support and recognition, because in a way, I had given consent for a relationship to begin to form asynchronously, online

and while "likes" as a barometer of success feels stupid/superficial, don't underestimate it: they're a significant indicator of support, someone taking time to go out of their way and acknowledge you. even a huge account can post a stinker that gets low engagement.

it IS signal

I began to realize that people who constantly have high engagement on Facebook really _did_ have real relationships, even if they were nascent, one-sided, or not so deep

these popular people were good at cultivating connection and belonging https://twitter.com/sadalsvvd/status/1306332654787330048

sure, some of it IS thirsting, and there is craft to it

on the whole, people:
like funny things
don't want to be challenged intellectually
want to be brought to emotional highs, not lows, like sad things spun inspirationally, anger over angst, joy over fear

but fundamentally, the support that these popular people experienced were the direct result of investments made in personal relationships along the way

and people are friendly! way friendlier than you think! you just need to give them permission to like you and support you

and I've seen that bear out particularly on Twitter. you can make an account here and tweet for literally years and never break 100 followers or be noticed except incidentally if you're being an Inherently Cringe Real Person and not Branding or Contenting https://twitter.com/sadalsvvd/status/1324594264446296064

almost ALL of my supporters, big account or smol, have come from direct investment in them in some way--whether that's being longtime mutuals and liking/RTing without real interaction, a friendly convo ONE time, or having multiple extended respectful Discourses (or Discords lol)

to be gauche, I went from an idle account w/ 800 followers to doubling within the last 4 months, and I attribute most of that to just being here, sharing, talking with others and making them feel seen--and letting myself be seen, too

if you're trying to optimize for growth, you should Do Content and be as narrow in focus as possible, but if you want to become an eigenrobot or a nosilverv with large followings of very thoughtful and intelligent _supporters_ and _friends_, not just _consumers_, you must invest

I think this is The Way. honestly, finding a group of Twitter people I really like has been one of the most enriching intellectual and social experiences I've had, maybe, EVER??? which is INSANE

and it all comes from investing time into relationships of various shapes and sizes

and there's no real cheat code or hack to this. if you want to be a real person online, you have to act like one

nobody barges into your home and declares themself your friend and champions you; why would that happen online?

this is why I intentionally try to not tweet about any one particular thing for too long; obviously I'm VERY interested in astrology, but I'm also gonna shitpost whenever I want

if someone is here, I want them to be here for my totality

that's what success looks like for me