Read on Twitter
I& #39;m going to delete this tweet in a couple hours so my Dad doesn& #39;t see it.
I am so lost. I feel so inadequate as a son.
My Dad is slowly dying upstairs. He could have many months. Maybe even a year. Or it could be weeks.
Yet I& #39;m a deer in headlights with him.
Frozen.
I am so lost. I feel so inadequate as a son.
My Dad is slowly dying upstairs. He could have many months. Maybe even a year. Or it could be weeks.
Yet I& #39;m a deer in headlights with him.
Frozen.
I want to tell him how much I love him. How much I can& #39;t bear to lose him.
I don& #39;t think he knows how much I love him. I just can& #39;t spit the words out. I start crying when I look at his eyes.
I don& #39;t think he knows how much I love him. I just can& #39;t spit the words out. I start crying when I look at his eyes.
My mother is a wreck.
She& #39;s trying hard to look okay but I know she& #39;s reeling.
And I can& #39;t seem to provide comfort to her either.
I& #39;m totally useless.
She& #39;s trying hard to look okay but I know she& #39;s reeling.
And I can& #39;t seem to provide comfort to her either.
I& #39;m totally useless.
I know what I have to say.
I know what I have to do for both of them to be better support.
Yet I keep freezing. And retreat. I& #39;m too afraid bc each time I even try to broach talking about our situation...managing the process of death...acknowledging...I choke and I can& #39;t speak
I know what I have to do for both of them to be better support.
Yet I keep freezing. And retreat. I& #39;m too afraid bc each time I even try to broach talking about our situation...managing the process of death...acknowledging...I choke and I can& #39;t speak
The one positive thing I& #39;m hopeful will make a big difference for all of us is my Uncle Mike - his brother (Dad wanted to honour him by naming me after him, that& #39;s how close they are)...
Is joining our bubble.
So it won& #39;t be just the 3 of us locked inside suffering this alone.
Is joining our bubble.
So it won& #39;t be just the 3 of us locked inside suffering this alone.
That& #39;s been hard.
Bc of pandemic we& #39;re locked in. We can& #39;t socialize. We can& #39;t really go anywhere. We can& #39;t access any support AT ALL from family and friends that you& #39;d normally expect during something like this.
My Dad can& #39;t see anyone. We can& #39;t even cry on a friend& #39;s shoulder
Bc of pandemic we& #39;re locked in. We can& #39;t socialize. We can& #39;t really go anywhere. We can& #39;t access any support AT ALL from family and friends that you& #39;d normally expect during something like this.
My Dad can& #39;t see anyone. We can& #39;t even cry on a friend& #39;s shoulder
That& #39;s been tremendously lonely for my mother and I.
But Dad seems to want aloneness. Uncle Mike is the only person he is allowing. They& #39;re talking regularly. If you see this Uncle Mike, you& #39;re a Saint.
That aloneness is hard tho. I literally cry into a pillow almost every day.
But Dad seems to want aloneness. Uncle Mike is the only person he is allowing. They& #39;re talking regularly. If you see this Uncle Mike, you& #39;re a Saint.
That aloneness is hard tho. I literally cry into a pillow almost every day.
My brother hasn& #39;t even spoken to me since the spring.
That& #39;s how alone we are with this situation. He& #39;s gonzo. He didn& #39;t respond my last email in May.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ¤ˇââď¸" title="Achselzuckender Mann" aria-label="Emoji: Achselzuckender Mann">
I& #39;m not sure he comprehends what& #39;s happening. I tried to tell him but I didn& #39;t get a sense he absorbed it.
That& #39;s how alone we are with this situation. He& #39;s gonzo. He didn& #39;t respond my last email in May.
I& #39;m not sure he comprehends what& #39;s happening. I tried to tell him but I didn& #39;t get a sense he absorbed it.
I worry my mother told him a deceptive version that leaves out impt bits.
Which she does.
I& #39;m the only one she can& #39;t fool bc I know how these things work. When she tried it on me, I pushed back on inconsistencies and she had to acknowledge the truth.
Doubt my brother did that
Which she does.
I& #39;m the only one she can& #39;t fool bc I know how these things work. When she tried it on me, I pushed back on inconsistencies and she had to acknowledge the truth.
Doubt my brother did that
But I& #39;ve decided he& #39;s not my problem. I& #39;ve got too much on my plate. I did my best to inform him. That& #39;s a check off my to-do list of duties. The rest is up to him, and I guess Dad.
Bc I need to manage all the things I told you about above.
I& #39;ll delete this in an hour.
Bc I need to manage all the things I told you about above.
I& #39;ll delete this in an hour.
I just had to get that off my chest.
Feel free to DM (this thread with self-destruct at 7am) if you have any words of wisdom or advice. Bc this is all new to me.
(Fin)
Feel free to DM (this thread with self-destruct at 7am) if you have any words of wisdom or advice. Bc this is all new to me.
(Fin)
