Read on Twitter
For my Father - Part 21
A thread
http://www.whatwaydsays.co.za https://whatwaydsays.co.za/for-my-father-part-21/
A thread
http://www.whatwaydsays.co.za https://whatwaydsays.co.za/for-my-father-part-21/
Two pieces of luggage were standing outside the apartment, ready for departure. With phone in hand, Zainub locked the door carefully and rolled the suitcases forward just as the lift rang to signal its arrival.
“Zainub,” Ahmed called as he rushed towards her. She didn’t look at him; she didn’t move. The impenetrable silence was broken only by the soft swish of the lift doors closing behind him. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “Please don’t go.”
She glanced up at him with eyes that were bloodshot from the hot tears he had caused earlier. He saw no tears now, though; just a deep anger he had never seen in her usually sweet demeanour.
Her hardened jaw showed the tenacity of her current determination to keep the little self-respect he hadn’t yet trampled on. Ahmed was taken aback. He had never seen her like this. He regretted he may have pushed her too far.
She had had utmost patience with him even though he had been a difficult person to live with.
“Zainub?” She ignored him and pulled her niqab over her face, ready to take off. “Zainub, please stop.” She took a step past him towards the lift. “Zainub, please, hear me out!” he called desperately as she pressed the button to summon the lift again.
The warm, always-smiling woman who had grown on him, had changed and he couldn’t blame her. “Where will you go?” He asked out of concern, afraid of her choices at this time of night.
“Seriously? Now you’re concerned?” She retorted as the lift rang again and the doors swished open.
Her brusque reply cut him deeper than expected. “I am not a charity case,” she added quietly. “I’ve booked a room at the hotel down the road.” She rolled her bags into the lift, one at a time, while Ahmed stood by and watched sheepishly.
On the one hand, he felt a forlorn sense of failure. His end of the deal was a simple one, but he had failed so dismally. On the other hand, a feeling gnawed at his heart, an entirely different feeling; an emptiness he could not describe. Was this love?
He didn’t want her to leave.
“Zainub, I’m really sorry,” he said as he stood at the entrance of the lift, triggering the sensor which caused the door to remain open. He closed his eyes tightly and swallowed hard before he spoke. “Please, let’s talk about this,” he said in his most tender voice.
She couldn’t muster the courage to look directly at him. She was fighting back tears and they seemed to collect, forming a ball in her throat. If she spoke now, the tears would flow freely. She needed to put her emotions aside and think logically.
She didn’t want to be where she obviously wasn’t wanted, and she had never felt so unwanted before. She tightened her jaw again to hold back the tears.
“Ahmed, I need to think!” she replied.
“Ahmed, I need to think!” she replied.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he pleaded, ignoring what she had just said. “Please come back inside. We can talk this out.”
Zainub shook her head, afraid to speak again for fear of losing grasp of her emotions. Ahmed stepped forward and, for the first time in forever, placed his hands gently on her waist. She did not resist.
He placed a tender kiss upon her forehead and inhaled the sweet aroma of her hair. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “My mouth ran off from me. I didn’t mean any of it”.
Zainub, still struggling with the iron ball in her throat, couldn’t say a word, but, with the swish of the lift door closing, the first tear betrayed her as it fell onto her cheek.
“Zainub,” Ahmed whispered. The tender sound of him saying her name soothed her and she felt her anger begin to subside. “Zainub, I’m an idiot!” His hands were still on her waist and he gently pulled her closer.
She still offered little resistance. “I said some nasty things that you don’t deserve. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave.
I won’t stop you from leaving, but can we please talk first?” He had been fighting his need to touch her for so long, and now that he had her in his arms like this, he wanted, so badly, to pull her even closer and kiss her beautiful lips with an affectionate and passionate kiss.
He wanted to show her he was sorry. He needed to prove to her that there was no other woman in his life but her, and that he truly, truly desired her more than she thought possible.
Zainub fought an internal battle of emotion versus logic. She had been yearning for his touch since she arrived. She had tried so hard to be a good wife with the few resources he had left her with. He was not forced into this marriage so she expected more from him.
His words during the outburst still stung as freshly as before and she was not ready to forgive him just yet. She pulled herself away from his hands, and looked up to face him. “I really have to clear my head, Ahmed,” she announced decisively. “We can talk after court tomorrow.”
Stunned, Ahmed didn’t know what to say or do. He certainly did not want her to leave. He felt beaten, saddened and angry with himself; yet a part of him wanted to grab hold of her, hug her and wipe her tears away.
She was quite resolute in her decision and Ahmed decided to respect that. It did make sense to have a discussion as important as this when he had less on his plate anyway.
He simply nodded his agreement and, disheartened, offered her to at least allow him to drop her off at the hotel. She nodded quietly and thanked him politely.
The short car ride to the hotel was uneventful and Ahmed was determined to leave her with a more positive impression of himself. Thus, he offered to check her in at reception and walked her to her room.
Looking for things to say to fill the silence in the hotel lift, he advised her to hang the Do Not Disturb sign on her door and to order from room service instead of going to the shop or restaurant downstairs.
He was very much aware that it was not ideal that she was about to spend the night alone, without a mahram present, but he was determined that this would be the only night he would allow that to happen. He owed that much to her father.
In the corridor outside her room, Zainub thanked him again and asked him to let her know when he was done at court the next day. Ahmed nodded and, before turning away, lay another tender kiss on her forehead and made salaam.
He smiled at her boyishly and then turned and walked pitifully towards the lift which took him back to the sad reality of lonesomeness and an empty apartment.
Once inside, Zainub spent most of the night on her prayer mat. Her prayers seemed more random and haphazard than normal. She began by praying for guidance, and then prayed for her late parents whom she yearned to be with again.
She sobbed incessantly for her father, whom she had doted upon for so long. She cried loudly and begged her Creator to help her find the wisdom for which she was left alone in this world, with a husband who didn’t care for her, and no real place to call home.
As an afterthought, she prayed for Ahmed’s success in court the next day and even for them to find an amicable solution to their marriage issues. She had never felt lonelier in her life.
She contemplated phoning Aunty Rashida but decided against it for fear that she might break the older woman’s sleep and add unnecessary worry to her night. Both, husband and wife, slept restlessly and dreamlessly that night.
This thread can be read here: https://whatwaydsays.co.za/for-my-father-part-21/
