It still feels like waking up from a fever dream.

When P45 was elected, I was living in Germany. On election night, I was one week into a fever that wouldn't go away. I'd just started antibiotics.

I was shivering in a blanket burrito, huddled next to the glow of my laptop screen in the dark, watching the votes come in. It was about 3AM.

I wasn't thrilled about either candidate. But I had to be sure one of them wouldn't make it.

But I had a fever over 102°F (38.89°C). Nothing made sense. Not when the line tipped in favor of Hillary. Not when the lines crossed. Not when it dropped.

At some point I'd shut the lid on my laptop and closed my eyes. I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not. But that's what you do in a fever. You roll over and hope your mind distracts you with nothing, because you're spent and you can't fight dream logic.

The next time I opened my eyes, the sun was up. I remembered that I needed to make sure of something.

I opened my laptop. I saw he'd won. I felt sorrow. But I didn't feel shock or surprise. I later chalked it up to my fever softening the blow.

Fast forward to now. I don't have a temperature and I slept enough hours last night. And yet... It still felt like a fever dream, seeing the vote called.

The time spent tuning in to vote counts. The doomscrolling and doom-listening (to podcasts). The number of times I'd hear friends and coworkers telling me not to worry, Biden will surely win.

Part of me was anticipating some catch, some outlier, some unwanted plot twist. Another part of me was shocked that the votes were so close. It should not have been so close.

Over the last 4+ years, P45 normalized living in a fever dream world. He knows nothing about what he is saying. And yet, he knows exactly what he is saying.

And, he knows exactly how to get us to listen to his fantastical, terrifying narrative. One that took 4 years for the media to finally turn away from. One that will persist long after he leaves office.

I mean, fuck. (Gestures widely at this thread.) Case in point.