Few things are more discouraging for celibate gay Christians like me to hear than “there’s no relationship between human beings that is greater or more important than marriage,” or “next to our relationship to God, [marriage] is the most profound relationship there is.”

When Christians proudly share that married people are statistically happier, healthier, wealthier, and live longer than unmarried people, we are often left wondering how we will survive, or if our lives are worth it.

When Christians lament the statistical decline in marriage (often failing to acknowledge the statistical decline in sexual activity as well), we get the impression our siblings believe our celibacy is something shameful or less-than-ideal.

When Christians speak glowingly and at length about how “nothing can mature character like marriage,” we are often wondering if we will ever be taken seriously or seen as mature.

Marriage is not “the most profound relationship there is,” or at least, it is not so simple. When Jesus looks for an image to describe the epitome of human love, he chooses sacrificial friendship (John 15:13), which is open to all. Marriage is a kind of friendship.

That unmarried people are statistically less happy and healthy, poorer, and live shorter lives owes much to the structural un-livability of celibacy in our communities, rather than being unmarried itself.

There is much more to discipleship than marriage, and there are far more opportunities for growth in maturity (even the kind that comes from being in relationship with others) than those afforded by a having a spouse.

I love marriage! I think it is beautiful, and important, and profound! It is an image of the great sacrificial love God has for his people, and that Christ has for his Church. I want to do everything I can to support healthy marriages!

I just want to fight against the tendency of many to thoughtlessly step on celibacy in well-meaning attempts to hold marriage up to the world as the beautiful, important, profound image of love that it is.

Being unmarried or choosing lifelong celibacy does not sentence one to a shallow and meaningless life. It does not have to mean sadness, sickness, and poverty. It affords many exciting opportunities for discipleship and growth in maturity.

Perhaps, if both marriage and celibacy are seen as beautiful, profound, important states of life, and if sacrificial friendship seen as the “greatest” human love, then married and unmarried people alike can thrive, and not one at the expense of the other.