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ok fuck it i'm unpacking this who's ready to get messy on main
spoilers here for some concepts and plot events in pathologic 2 (nowhere near enough to proper spoil the game tho so -- PLEASE GO PLAY IT )
mute this thread if u dont want to read like a dozen tweets abt me & patho2 https://twitter.com/_porcelainbones/status/1325075624705335296
spoilers here for some concepts and plot events in pathologic 2 (nowhere near enough to proper spoil the game tho so -- PLEASE GO PLAY IT )
mute this thread if u dont want to read like a dozen tweets abt me & patho2 https://twitter.com/_porcelainbones/status/1325075624705335296
i enjoyed Patho2 when i played a few of its days at launch, but it didn't really catch me. not 'til i waited til about three months on HRT to go back, and then it just hit me so fucking hard and i was obsessed all the way through and obsessed still
it came along at a time when i was terrified of a transformation that was also *necessary for my existence*. i could feel a part of me that had always been there now dying. walls i built up, an identity that acted more as barrier and cocoon than an actual self
even tho that part of me *needed* to go, i felt like i was nothing beneath it. what was i, if not the person i'd been my entire life? if all that was shedding, what would be left of me? didn't i *need* this cruelty, detachment & loathing to function & survive in the unfair world?
patho2 upfront says: an enemy is here in front of you, inside of you, tiny, incessant, utterly unable to be stopped in any way that you would find *comfortable*. there is *no* traditionally winning this fight
so, the fuck are you going to do, kid? give up? uninstall life itself?
so, the fuck are you going to do, kid? give up? uninstall life itself?
the town was dying! i have to *save* it
...
but what am i saving? the fucking termitary & the presence of industry? these fucking artsy know-it-all dickhead land-owners? i'm really going to struggle & crawl to help *those* assholes out??????
...
but what am i saving? the fucking termitary & the presence of industry? these fucking artsy know-it-all dickhead land-owners? i'm really going to struggle & crawl to help *those* assholes out??????
i wasn't dying. i was transforming. and in order to do that successfully i had to examine my whole, look at parts of myself and be able to say: i can't save you if i want to save myself. i can't be bitter. i can't be withdrawn. that old self, that old town, had no future
helped me realize:this is an unfair fight. the rules will never help you. but you're here, girl, & you're the only one who can fight this. no one else knows the lines of you. so figure out a way to fight. don't fight fair, fight dirty, fight hard, & fight for your fuckin survival
so *what* if the old me is dead? that bitch just thought about suicidal ideation damn near 24/7. why was i struggling to save *coping mechanisms*? why was i nestling my trauma at the expense of letting my new self grow wild, outlandish and unrestricted?
it helped me realize that old self *also* appeared out of a violent transformation. just one i didn't fully recognize at the time. that old self killed hope so she could feel safe in.. what? endless misery? being trapped in a box building filled with screams, waiting to die?
the plague says: it aches to be born. it aches to grow. it aches to choose. there is no ache in death. shall i kill you?
and i get to say: *no*, and fuck *you*, and fuck *everyone else*. i am weaving myself out of my ache, now. it is *my* tool, this is *my* birth
ty for reading
and i get to say: *no*, and fuck *you*, and fuck *everyone else*. i am weaving myself out of my ache, now. it is *my* tool, this is *my* birth
ty for reading
