Izuku knows he’s messing up. He knows he’s jumping off the deep end when he says yes to Bakugo Katsuki asking him out.
He knows that he’s attracted to men, especially the tall muscled blonde. But does he want to be?
Well, he doesn’t want to think about that.

Everyone knows who Bakugo is. He’s the poster child of the school of business. So when he expressed interest in little ol Izuku, well, how are you not supposed to be flattered.

They start going out, and Izuku thinks that maybe he can do this. Maybe he will take the jump and be with his first man, no matter how much the idea scared him.

His sexuality is always something that scared him. He’s attracted to girls, but he was also attracted to guys. He made that discovery in middle school. And boy did it scare him.

He’s heard what people say about the openly gay kid in their class, and he doesn’t want that animosity directed towards himself. So he does what any closeted kid would do.
He suppresses it.
And anyways he liked girls! So he had a chance at a normal life! He wasn’t doomed at all.

And then he entered college. There were so many educated people here. People that were willing to accept a person with any background. He had gay friends, lesbian friends, and ppl all over the spectrum. Especially in the art field which was the perfect outlet for people like them

So he started to warm up to his suppressed side of him. The side that was attracted to men. Then came Kacchan. (He accidentally bit his tongue and mispronounced his name once, and from there it stuck)
And in true business man fashion, he makes Izuku his.

Except of course, not really.
Izuku said yes to him asking him out, but as soon as he accepted, he immediately regretted it. A man. How could he be with a man? What if people start making fun of him? He’s not strong enough to handle that type of hatred.

He crumbles completely when he gets too harsh of a critique on his art. Now imagine someone throwing slurs and hate at him. No, he was scared.
But everyone feels scared in their first same sex relationship, right? The feeling will pass. It will pass and he will accept himself.

Except it never did.
To an extent, he did fall for the blonde. But his fear kept him from doing so fully. He was too scared to hold hands in public. He was too nervous to even kiss him privately. And oh god it felt horrible.

A part of him knew that Bakugo deserved better, but a small part of him was convinced that he would come around. It was still just those first week jitters.
But he just couldn’t relax when it came to passing by people who might know him. What if he’s recognized?

What if someone sees him holding hands with Katsuki and then they start teasing him, telling his friends that hes gay (except he thinks hes bi) but what if people think hes full on gay? He’ll be hated. He doesn’t want to be hated.

It doesn’t help that all their dates are in the university. But it cant be helped. Their both dorm students so its a given all their time will be spent there. And the stress starts weighing on him. Affecting his art and his work, his eating and sleeping.

But then he meets Ochaco, and he starts to feel normal again. She’s pretty and she smells like flowers. Her voice is soft and her laugh is like music to his ears. He starts to feel normal, and he even develops a crush on her.

When they hold hands in a mold, he can’t help but feel as bright as ever, but then Kacchan walks in, and he’s reminded of the relationship he’s stuck in. It’s like he thought. He should be with a girl. He should live a normal life.

Bakugo leaves and Ochaco asks who that was, but he shrugs it off. He doesn’t want to ruin any chances he has with her. She’s his chance at normalcy.

“He’s just a friend. Don’t worry about it.”

The first time they go on a date off campus, Izuku actually feels like he can be himself. Bakugo takes him to a hotel a few towns away from their university, apparently for a six month anniversary. He’s no longer looking over his shoulder. And he thoroughly enjoys this date.

He forgets about Ochaco and the university, and is able to pretend that he is a new person. Away from everyone he knows. Just him and Kacchan.
He’s a stranger to these people. They don’t know him. They never will.

So he throws his cares away and is held that night. He’s held with such a tender care that makes him cry. And it’s the best he’s ever had.
As the man in his relationships, he was always told to take charge, but that role didn’t fit him. This one did. Being taken care of.

But the facade can only last for so long. The next day they’re back at the university and he feels so disgusted with himself. Can people tell that he just had sex with a man? That he was on his hands and knees begging for more?

They could tell
He was sure of it.
So he did the only thing he could think of. He called Ochaco and went over to her dorm. He spent a night and two days with her and reminded himself that he was still normal. That the supple feeling of breasts against his chest was what he needed

He doesn’t even try to contact Bakugo. Who knows how he’ll feel when he hears his voice, but he knows after the two days that he needs to. And his stomach is in knots, even after his project is turned in, and he knows why. But he doesn’t want to deal with that truth.

So when Bakugo calls him he keeps it short and curt. He tells him he will be busy at a party, and doesn’t even extend the invitation to him.
His head hurts, so does his chest. He knows why but he won’t acknowledge it. He’s not a bad person.
He’s not.

((tweet limit))

But Izuku is a bad liar. He’s always been. So when he’s caught in the act, he doesn’t apologize even though he knows he should. He doesn’t try to explain himself or play it off as being drunk.
He does the worst thing someone could do and he throws it back to Bakugo.

He’s straight.
He repeats it as he tries to convince himself that it’s true.
He’s straight and he can’t love a man like Bakugo can. Bakugo is gay. That is his own fault, not his. And he won’t be like him.

And yet a warm jacket is still placed around his shoulders. It smells like the cologne that enveloped him when he was below him, taking his cock, pressing their bodies together like they were one. It was his Kacchan. The Kacchan he wasn’t ready for.

And it makes him cry. Cry like a child as he wraps the jacket tightly around him. The guilt settles in, and he knows he’s the most disgusting person to ever exist.
But he’s not hit. He’s just reassured.
He is straight.
Bakugo said it himself.

((OKAY so I wanted to do Izukus pov but now I wanna move on to like their future after this. So now I ask, does Izuku deserve a second chance?? granted it wont be easy trust me hehe it would def be very very angsty))

By the way this is a second part (in Izukus POV) to my angsty bkdk thread. The first half of that thread can be found below or the full thing on my pinned under sfw threads. Just cause I know it can get confusing since I seperated the two from each other whoops https://twitter.com/bananaiggy/status/1324602852921253888

OKAY lets continue to pt.3
——————
——————
Bakugo moves out of the dorms about a month later. He gets his own apartment and lives the rest of his college life there. The first month is horrible. He’s not his usual self during that time. Mina does her best to make him feel better,

as does the whole squad once they are told what happened.
You see, Bakugo is an earnest lover. When he has his person, he will go the extra mile for them. He will show them the sides of him that only a handful of people know.

Izuku got to see those sides to him. He got to be on the receiving end of his love. Because he doesnt do anything half assed, but that wasnt enough for the artist it seemed.
He was thrown aside like he was nothing. He never got an apology. And he never saw him again.

Izuku never tried to contact him too. Probably thinking good riddance. Maybe that’s what hurt most of all. The fact that he wasn’t even thought twice of.
He really was nothing to Izuku. Even though Izuku was everything to him.

The scars on his heart permanently etch themselves there, and they change the way he thinks.
And to an extent it pisses him off, that somebody would have such an affect on him.
But how can you NOT be affected when something like that happens to you?

It makes him see relationships differently, makes him realize that he would rather live a life alone than have to live with the uneasiness of being in a relationship again, wondering when he will be cast aside if he were to fall in love again.

No matter how innocent they looked, how wide their eyes were, or how many freckles dotted their skin. Bakugo learned that he can’t trust people anymore.
And what a great lesson for the business major.

It takes him far in the business world once he graduates. He goes by the book, and then some.
Bakugo Katsuki rises to the top, just as he has always intended.
He doesn’t get into anymore relationships. It’s easier to have a quick fuck when he needs it, no strings attached.

Add onto being the CEO of the largest company in Japan, it’s not like people saw him as a romantic partner anymore. He was their shot to the big league, and like hell he was going to let someone use him like that.

And anyways, he was all about his company now. Now that he stood at the top and secured his place, he was ready to move on to his next phase in life. One which would possibly ease this hole in his heart, but most importantly, secure the future of his company.

But there is still much to do. He just finished drafting up his business plan for all this. But of course he doesn’t need anyone to approve his proposal , /he/ approves his proposal. But he needs something to tie it all together. To make sure this all makes sense to who its for.

“Hey,” he barks, his assistant scrambling to his office.
“Hire someone to make something that will be in every location on here, and make sure they do it right.”
His assistant looks at him curiously, not sure what his boss is referring to. “Like an artist sir?”

“I dont know, sure, whatever,” Bakugo waves off, giving him the proposal. “And give this to the contractors. I need them to start as soon as possible.
His secretary nods and leaves his office. Bakugo sighs and turns his chair, looking at the night skyline.

He may not be able to love romantically.
But he can still love.
And right now there was just small idea of it laying inside his heart. It’s dormant for now, but it is there.

——————
——————

A mess. That’s what Izuku thinks as he looks into one of the mirrors in his studio. He’s wearing some flowy khaki pants and a loose white shirt. But its not the outfit. It’s /him./
There are dark circles under his eyes. His hair is messily tied back, although

chunky curls fall out since it’s barely long enough to reach a ponytail.
He just cant seem to catch a break it seems. Like a sudden meeting on his day off with a contracted client that his manager got for him. Claiming its one of the “big guns”.

Sure his art career is successful and all, but he’s always busy and stressed. Deadlines, screw ups, and just life in general always have him down. He’s living life, but he’s not necessarily enjoying it, even though he’s doing what he loves.

But it’s probably just divine punishment, he always dully laughs to himself. Except he’s only half joking.
He never says it out loud, but he thinks about it every day. It’s his lifes biggest regret.
He thinks about how badly he handled the situation.

How shitty he was to cheat and lie.
And more importantly, how wrong he was.
And now five years later, he’s come to terms with his sexuality. The sexuality that scared him so much back in college.

Except he hasn’t gotten into any relationships after that. Ochaco stayed his friend after that, but nothing more ever happened between them. He’s had people try to have their chance with him, but he always declines. He doesn’t... deserve to be in a relationship.

But he never says it out loud though. Cause then its the whole “you need to forgive yourself talk” but he has no right to do that. Not after everything he did. To someone who gave and asked nothing in return. To the person who didn’t villainize him or beat him to a pulp.

Oh the things he would say to him now. What he would say to Bakugo Katsuki. There’s so much. So much that the speech is always different when he mentally goes over it at night. Making up these scenarios in his head of running into him, that somewhat help to alleviate the guilt.

First he would say he’s sorry.
Because he never said it. He never apologized. Maybe that’s his biggest regret.

TWEET LIMIT

And once again, life has it’s ways of fucking with Izuku.
His mind wanders as his manager drives him to his meeting. He always hates contracted work. They basically mean hes trapped until he finishes all the work. But they always paid well, so it had its plus side.

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t really paying attention when hes lead to a fancy restaurant, or when he’s scanned for any weapons on him. All they find is some loose change in his pocket and a loose altoid mint that must have made it out the can.

That makes him laugh dryly as he pops it in his mouth, now being ushered to a reserved dining level. His manager stays in front of him most of the time. Mainly because he knew who they were meeting.
But honestly this wasn’t really out of the ordinary. Art attracted weird clients

He once had to meet a client on a nude beach. That one had to be the worst one. So he just goes through the motions, not really paying attention, just looking down at his shoes and the pretty patterned carpet on this level. What a unique design. He would like to incorporate that

into a painting sometime. He will be sure to take a picture of it before he leaves.
He’s so focused on the carpet that he doesn’t even realize he’s being sat down with the client until he feels his manager tug his sleeve, making him look up only to meet cold red eyes.

His eyes water before he can even think. But he would know those eyes anywhere. He doesn’t even have to look at the rest of the face to know.
Right now he’s seated in front of the man who he dreams of talking to every night. The man who he has made a memorized apology speech to.

And yet none of those sentences, let alone words come to him. All he can do is stare with watery eyes, brows furrowed and fists balled up on his legs.

“Kacchan?”