I'm like 5 minutes into S1E1 of Doomsday Preppers and these people are inadequately prepared for the disaster they claim they're prepping for, the collapse of food systems. They aren't improving any garden beds at their "bug out location"

They don't have any facilities for livestock at the BOL, or any livestock, or any livestock at their suburban home to take with them.

They have 4 years of stored food tho so good job I guess?

But if you really, truly believe that the food system is going to catastrophically collapse due to climate change and therefore you need to live like your ancestors, maybe GET SOME DAMN GOATS FOR MILK AND MEAT YOU WEIRDOS. AND A CHICKEN FLOCK FOR EGGS.

I am reminded of @SlacktivistFred talking about how all the preachers who have gotten rich claiming the Rapture is coming in their lifetimes still have long term investments.

This is not how you act if you honestly believe the food system is going to collapse any day now.

On the plus side, the woman does have gardening know how. The dude's specialty appears to be living in hope he'll get to kill someone who looks at his wife's kale. He should be learning to split wood with a maul.

THEY'RE NOT GROWING ANY GRAINS OR STARCHES. IT'S ALL KALE AND FRUIT NIGHTSHADES AND FRUIT TREES. FOUR ACRES OF KALE AND TOMATOES AND PEPPERS AND APPLES AND BERRIES.

She cans and dries the food to preserve it. Does she know how to do that without using her gas stove and electric dehydrator??

"Let's make sure nobody knows we're bugging out" he says, loading up a hugely conspicuous logo'd up vintage military vehicle and trailer before taking the two new people to the secret bug out location.

THEY GAVE THEM 19/20 ON RENEWABLE FOOD SOURCES. THEIR PREPPER EXPERTS ARE SHIT. THEIR RENEWABLE FOOD SOURCES LACK RESILIENCE AND SEVERAL MAJOR MACRONUTRIENTS. THEY LACK COMMITMENT AND ARE LARPING. WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS.

Right. This next cockwaffle is building a fucking war rig because he thinks terrorists are going to take down the power grid.

I mean number one, he lives in California. It's not going to be terrorists, it's going to be PG&E.

HE HAS SPENT $300K ON THIS THING. GIVE ME HIS MONEY.

...he thinks he's going to put 15 people into the 500 CUBIC feet of living space in this monstrosity and they're not all going to murder each other inside 24 hours.

This sumbitch is out here burying $1000 caches of supplies. I hope somebody is finding them that isn't him. What the fuck, dude.

SOMEHOW IT ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO A BUNCH OF GUNS. These motherfuckers are always just itching to murder somebody.

THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE ON FREEZE DRIED FOOD FOR TWO YEARS. He adds they can also grow food but buddy, your entire plan is "keep moving" so that's not really gonna happen now is it

This last family seemed very normal until they explained the wife received a vibration from a spirit named Greta telling them to move from Florida to somewhere 3,000 feet above sea level so they can survive a comet hitting the earth and causing a mass extinction event.

So they moved to a 51 room, 8500 square foot house on 30 acres right here in North Carolina.

Ah yes Greta periodically possesses the woman's right hand and writes out instructions for what to do next. She has conveniently done this on camera, leaving instructions for what she expects the program to say about her prepper work.

The woman's sons are visiting from Ireland. She hasn't told them about Greta so the film crew don't mention it.

Then the neighbors come over for dinner and give the guy a shotgun in front of his stepsons who have these extremely European WTF faces on.

Oh dear. They have told the kids about Greta and the comet. The younger one is still of an age to want to be ingratiating but the older one is wtf and decidedly hostile.

"Since I've never had [a shotgun] in my hands, how do I aim this?" asks the dude.

IT'S A 12 GAUGE SHOTGUN JUST POINT IT IN THE VAGUE DIRECTION OF YOUR TARGET AND PULL THE TRIGGER.

They try to get the 16 year old to try the shotgun and he explains to them that it's a lethal weapon in tones that suggest he thinks they're all idiots.

Also he does not try the shotgun.

I love him and hope he's living his best life in Ireland.

"He likes to use his brain," says his stepdad, as if it's a problem. "But somewhere along the way he'll realize how important this all is."

"I'm gonna go watch TV," says the 16 year old. "I'm not prepping for anything."

I think this was 2012 so he's 24 now and hopefully using this story still to get people to buy him drinks.

And now we have concluded episode one and if I'd been thinking ahead I would have had wine with that because seriously WHAT THE FUCK

A bottle of Duplin County Scuppernong wine is like $5 and if someone tosses the cash in to buy another bottle I will watch another episode, WHILE DRINKING
https://www.paypal.me/ybugeilesrhyfedd

But first I gotta feed dogs

RIGHT I don't know why I thought there was any doubt. I have a red solo cup of cheap sweet wine! I have snacks! I have a terrible television program! LET'S GOOOOOOOOO

Our first pair are in Virginia and they're afraid of ~total economic collapse~. Let's see what they're doing to prepare!

"When a gallon of milk costs $50, there's going to be anarchy," says John.

Well yes cooperative farms run as a democratic collective are one reasonable response to--*puts finger to ear* hang on I'm hearing John doesn't actually know any anarchists.

They have no savings and no income. But they're fine with that because they will live without money when the economic collapse comes.

In the meantime, they have goats! A mixed flock of meat and dairy! They have chickens! Go them!

They're growing corn! Well done them! I hope they know about nixtamalization, though. Corn is a fantastic calorie crop until you get pellagra because you didn't nixtamalize. Although the eggs and milk will help prevent deficiency diseases.

And they've thoughtfully included beehives so they have honey for barter.

I worry more about what's going to happen to them if there is no economic collapse, because life is not kind to the cashless.

Ok no now these fucking weirdos went and bought a bear trap which they are going to set up in the woods as their "security perimeter". WHAT THE HELL.

Aaaaaand here they go with the guns and the army LARP

THEY WERE DOING SO WELL

...their plan is to use their farm vehicle thingy with the headlights on to go to their hidden caches of supplies and get ghille suits. EXCEPT THE ENEMY ALREADY SHOT THEIR HEADLIGHT USING ASSES

RIGHT that's them. It always veers hard right into "and then we're gonna have to murder people".

The next one is a dude with a camper on the back of a pickup, and also a podcast. Because of course he has a goddamned podcast.

He's afraid that "terrorists" will "come and find" him. So he spends 90% of his time on the road. With his dog. Brian, honey, II don't think any terrorists are after you personally.

My dude is out here randomly burying caches of motherfucking duck tape like he thinks he's in a game of fallout 4.

...he's also constantly afraid people are out to ambush him NOW because they want his rig?

My dude most of these other people have much nicer campers.

"The sole goal of terrorists is to get us to act differently, but I'm already behaving like a complete weirdo and won't have to change a thing! So they won't win!" (I'm paraphrasing here)
(also they keep showing a shot of him with a big ass crossbow)

They did not go into weird weaponry with him! Apparently his primary security plan is that if someone gets with 15 meters of the RV while he's asleep, an alarm goes off and he jumps up and drives off.

This must work great in deer infested areas.

Also how he's going to do this when he covers the whole thing in ghille netting before he goes to sleep I'm not sure.

These mobile prepper types have got to be the major civilian market for ghille netting.

It will shock you to find out this dude is single, by the way.

Anyway, on to the next guy! He's building a no shit fallout shelter because he fears ~total economic collapse~.

Because a fallout shelter is a great response to economic catastrophe.

Frank is learning MMA fighting because that will definitely be handy in his remote fucking fallout shelter he has to access via a plane that can land on the nearby lake.

The fallout shelter is 140 square feet for Frank and his wife, which is 20 square feet smaller than SkullShack and let me tell you I would not have shared that space with another human being for anything. Also it does not appear to have, like... Forced ventilation?

I am slightly concerned about their air, here.

They are going to eat freeze dried reconstituted food like all Preppers always are except the ones with the farm. And get water from the lake nearby so I hope they have good filters.

Y'all. Y'all he's afraid he won't be able to get to that one in the apocalypse so he's building a second bunker as a backup. His biggest worry is winter weather. AND YET IT STILL DOES NOT HAVE VENTILATION.

Please do not seal yourselves into unventilated steel cans, not even to own the libs.

"I think that America would be a safer place if more people had bunkers," says Frank.

And I think more people should be anarcho-communist yurt-dwelling shepherds, but we can't all live the dream, my guy. And I'll be damned if I live on freeze dried food.

He does not have room for a garden or livestock at that site or room to store more than 3 months of food for 2 so uh. Good luck, Frank. I guess. On the plus side he apparently is not an ammosexual and merely intends to punch his way out of confrontations.

I did not see a heating source for Frank's unventilated bunkers. Presumably there is a way to heat the water for the freeze dried food? Hopefully it's not combustion. Except there were no solar panels so uh.

Please do not lock yourself into unventilated steel cans with propane-using appliances, not even to own the libs.

Lol the prepper experts told frank he's gonna die in 3 months.

And that's a wrap for tonight. Thank you for sharing this journey. Also apparently this is S2, not S1.

PS also look "raw water" can have all kinds of interesting micro-organisms, plus contamination from dubious agricultural and industrial practices, please be very sure about what you are drinking and filter and boil that stuff only see above re propane and ventilation.

In the event of some horrible disaster it's much more common for people to come together and help each other than it is for them to turn on each other WITH THE NOTABLE EXCEPTION of prepper assholes who are just chomping at the bit to kill over freeze dried kale chips.

Anyway in the event of collapse I am rich in skills and will teach anyone and we'll make a nice village and keep each other fed and warm and safe. Come find me.

Also thank you to the generous sponsors who sent enough money to keep me in Duplin County wine FOREVER basically. I regret to inform those of you who expressed horror over my cheap wine that I do in fact prefer it.

Duplin County wines are made with Muscadine and Scuppernong grapes. Scuppernong is just a varietal of Muscadine. They're the native North American grapes and grow like weeds here in the south where the kudzu hasn't buried them.

Historically southern households made their own wine from these hardy southern grapes. Little old southern ladies would get genteelly sloshed on it.

Some southern heritage needs to be dead and gone and the corpse burned to ashes and scattered but I will drink my sweet southern wines until they put me in my grave.