One factual truth is that women are the ones who uphold the patriachy.

They won't accept it to themselves because they are very good at this thing called cognitive dissonance. But it is almost a truism that patriachy in its entirety is held up by women.

From raising a boy to..

heaping expectations on him.

It is the women that do it.

In our ideal utopic equal society, men will b happier. The pressure of expectations adversely affects the happiness of men.

We like to talk about society, but for men, that society is women.

From their mothers, to their partners. Most of your life decisions are made with these people in mind.

You may say well, nobody is asking you to do it, you're the one forcing yourself, you are the one pressuring yourself, if you stopped chasing achievements and accomplishments

and material security today, nobody will force you not to, but that's a lie from the pit of hell.

A man's attractive is and will always be tied to his utility.

You must have heard this saying before, "and you call yourself a man." A man who cannot provide is not seen as

the specimen. Men are simple people, they don't have that many needs. Capitalism will fail if it was entirely based on the wants of men.

In an overwhelming majority of households, women make the purchase decisions.

They are the "market."

But I feel like I'm going off a bit.

A man's worth is always tied to what he can provide. A lot of men will tell you they cannot get married until they are financially secure.

A woman who says the same thing does it as a personal goal, not because it is needed to sustain the marraige.

For a man, it is.

A man's attractiveness may be tied to his physical features but that's only at the start. After a while, even fine boy must drop something. If fine boy cannot, your woman will leave. Only a tiny minority of women stay with a man who cannot provide.

Then you hear about the women who are the ones carrying financial responsibilities in thier own homes. But these women are never spoken of like it is a thing to be proud about. They talk about these women in derision of their "useless husbands."

A house where it is the wife who provides is a house where the husband is not respected.

They are the women who are talked about as the only thing keeping them in the marraige is societal pressure. It is never out of their own volition, it is never seen as attractive.

So, when the value of a man is tied to what he can provide, then for sure he has to chase those things that will make him a provider; sometimes at the cost of his health and happiness. The only happiness some men have left is seeing themselves being able to provide for their

loved ones. Hate the job, complain about it every single day. But his partner and children ask and he can afford to give, he finds joy in that.

So tell me how the same system that ties a man's value to is worth will not uphold patriachal constructs that are rooted in power.

If you need a man to sustain your lifestyle, chances are you'll let him get away with more. The one who has the responsibility also has the power over the other person.

The fact that marriage laws address money and assets in case of a divorce is also instructive.

Patriachy stands as long as the materiality of men's lives is the norm.

As long as society (women) keeps pushing men to be super competitive so that they can achieve status and as such value, then do not expect a man to not be competitive against the women in his work.

If you think men are aggressive in competition and you cannot handle it, it is because achievement is central to a man's life and worth.

Who are the people that make it to the top of Fortune 500 companies? The super intelligent, super competitive, super

aggressive, super competent.

Women have all these qualities but when a man feels like his life depends on it (because it does) chances are he'll be willing to give up almost everything else for that achievement including friends and a social life.

These are some of the

dynamics that play out at work which makes it seem like whenever there are more men than women in top management, it is due to patriachy.

It is due to the system which attaches a man's importance to his status. A system upheld by women!

You cannot have it both ways.

Olóyè writing to you from the #CouncilofChiefs

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