Read on Twitter
AU where Meng Yao cuts a deal with Wen Ruohan to be wife of the ruler of the world, because behind every powerful man is a bad bitch
If he'd done that, MDZS would be over in act 1. The end, everyone go home. The Wens have won.
"And why should you be my wife?"
MY:
MY:
Wait until Nie Mingjue infiltrates the place, and Meng Yao is sitting on Wen Ruohan's lap, which is an even better throne.
"What have you done?"
"I upgraded."
"What have you done?"
"I upgraded."
started as a bottom now we're here
Thank you to @publicetienne and @GenderGriffins for helping me give birth to this plot baby (although really I'm probably just a surrogate mother)
For real though, donghua Wen Ruohan is like, Fire Lord Ozai levels of sexy and Meng Yao deserves to be, as @GenderGriffins calls it, his "twink-furen"
Donghua Wen colours, but Meng Yao in this:
as he sits on his husband's lap and sings at Nie Mingjue:
You coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal
Help you with your career just a little
You're 'posed to hold me down, but you're holding me back
And that's the sound of me not calling you back
You coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal
Help you with your career just a little
You're 'posed to hold me down, but you're holding me back
And that's the sound of me not calling you back
look i'm just saying if Wen Ruohan's captain of the guard had insulted Meng Yao, WRH would be handing him a sword to stab the guy with like a PROPER HUSBAND SHOULD
get you a man who condones a lil murder now and then
fuck now I wanna marry Wen Ruohan
"MY was fearless and crazier than him. He was WRH’s queen, and Heaven help anyone who dared to disrespect his queen.”
Okay okay okay but how hot would it be to have your wife as your Head Torturer.
@GenderGriffins asked me what WRH might call MY and my brain came up with 孟妃 (meng4 fei1) which roughly translates to Consort Meng or Concubine Meng.
I’ve only heard that term in palace dramas but I’m fully stealing it for this. I guess WRH is kind of an emperor?
I’ve only heard that term in palace dramas but I’m fully stealing it for this. I guess WRH is kind of an emperor?
Instead of a huadian 花鈿 (the flower mark on the forehead common in ancient chinese makeup) Meng Yao could have a huodian 火鈿 (a fire mark, because Qishan Wen)
Hooray more Chinese puns.
Hooray more Chinese puns.
My new twitter name is really Griffin’s fault.
Side note: Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan is the MDZS version of Dumbledore/Grindelwald
Anyway, ALL I SAID WAS “I’d ride him like my favourite pony on that giant ass stone throne”
Okay look I can enjoy fun sexy thoughts about them but then I suddenly caught feelings about "what if they realise they're really like each other and that they'd be stronger together and they were really lonely before but now they GET each other" just.
Like, what if one day WRH realises he LIKE-LIKES Meng-fei when he brings him to the torture chamber (to try and intimidate him) while some poor chap is being given what for, and instead of being disturbed,
Meng-fei just watches with a placid expression and feline satisfaction in his eyes. WRH asks, "What do you think?" and he just goes, "Drive the nails in the space between his fingers and toes." in his cold JGY voice. and WRH is like....
Okay but imagine when NMJ does finally show up, and WRH drops a reference to his "wife" and NMJ is shook bc NOWHERE in their intel said WRH had a wife, is it WC and WX's mother?? and then MY walks out looking like a beautiful bad bitch and WRH calls him "niang zi" and NMJ is like
How loud do you think NMJ's heart breaking will be when he sees MY call WRH "fu jun" (husband)?
WRH and MY, the Jay-Z and Beyonce of the cultivation world
WRH rubs his wife's feet after a long day of torturing his husband's enemies SEND TWEET
Listening to his wife complaining about "How barbaric. Only beating? Your men have no finesse at all. Needles, that's the way to go."
On his birthday his wife takes WRH down to the torture chamber to show him this beautiful tapestry of human skin he's made out of the people he's tortured and all of them are still alive (minus a lot of skin) to see it (for now)
Oh you think Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao were sickening? Wait until you see his dad and his new wife (who is even younger than Wen Chao)
Just while NMJ is kneeling in shackles on the floor of the Yanyang Palace, and WRH's wife goes to sit on the arm of his throne, and WRH starts fondly petting his thigh and MY decides to sa jiao bc NMJ is watching like ”哎呀，夫君，你好坏~“ (Oh, husband, you're so naughty)
WRH is like what, I can't be affectionate with my wife? MY is like "大人，旁人在看，这样不妥吧“ (My lord, outsiders are watching, is it appropriate?"). WRH is like I'll show you appropriate and drags MY onto his lap who is giggling like a courtesan and having the time of his life
And then they boned in front of NMJ. The End.
Just kidding. NMJ qi deviates when husband and wife come at the same time, together.
The big empty hall of the palace, filled with nothing but WRH's groans, MY's whiny moans, and NMJ's anguished screaming.
"Right here?" "Right here."
And of course MY is already oiled up in preparation because he KNEW his devious husband was going to go down this road because HE WAS TOO.
And of course MY is already oiled up in preparation because he KNEW his devious husband was going to go down this road because HE WAS TOO.
Also now I can't think of Daddy Wen without hearing this song:
If this thread ever gets stolen for a fic, just know I never gave them any permission.
