so crazy how teachers at islamic school recommended i go to therapy to my parents because i never cried like the other kids when they hired grown men to terrorize us with the idea of hellfire and our parents burning in it if we don’t follow the deen and it made me think i was

emotionally impaired but now i am the biggest crybaby i know when confronted with genuine people talking about their loves (for things, for people, for work) and i was just not fathomed by the pathetic attempt at fear-based indoctrination in those institutions even as a child

i was a kafir from the WOMB this was just not meant for me

i really wish i was an edgy ex muslim just for the shits and giggles but being forced to be muslim has been the most traumatizing and stifling experience of my 22 years of life and allowing myself to envision a future where that burden is no longer an obstacle to my happiness

is the only thing that allows me to experience a modicum of happiness in the present. in my mind one day i will be able to be with the person i love & raise children who will know unconditional love. so simple & yet it’s a religion i don’t even believe in that’s kept me from it.

like i really hate to play the oppressed muslim woman in front of my christian boyfriend who doesn’t have much exposure to muslim culture but like 2 weeks after we met he told me “the only people who i know will love me unconditionally are my mother and grandmother” and i started

bawling at a public pool because my mom would write me off the family registry with the QUICKNESS if she even knew 0.00000001% of who i really am and what i really believe this is not how children should live lmfao