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Most probably nobody is going to read this, but still, I am here to tell you a story of mine.
Naranasan mo na bang maiwan ng isang tao nang hindi nagbibigay ng paliwanag at sapat na dahilan?
(Long thread)
Naranasan mo na bang maiwan ng isang tao nang hindi nagbibigay ng paliwanag at sapat na dahilan?
(Long thread)
My last boyfriend (Yes I& #39;m gay) left me without giving me an explanation or enough reason. How do I move toward acceptance?
For the past 6 months of this quarantine, Sobrang nagmahal ako ng totoo sa isang tao. I know it was for real because I love him so much and still, he stays in my heart. Sobrang kampante na ako na hinding hindi na ako maiiwan. Walang araw na hindi ko siya inisip.
Every morning and other days in the night.Minsan nagigising ako ng hating gabi and I find it hard to go back to sleep as "it was him" in the dreams. I dream about a life with him back and we are talking saying we& #39;ll never fight and we& #39;ll stay together (In the dreams only).
I know he is gone and I have accepted it deep down that he& #39;s never going to come back. Indeed! I have.
(Kung tatanungin niyo ako, I don& #39;t want him to come back now. He was happy without me and I hope he stays the same forever. Kahit sino man ang kasama niya o nag papasaya sa kanya, I don& #39;t care as long as he is happy, I am happy for him.)
He told me why he was leaving me but I feel that it was not the real reason. Tinanong ko siya ng maraming beses, paulit ulit, and every time nasasagutin niya ako I feel and hear a new lies, an excuse, a fake reason for separation.
I knew what he was doing. He was putting every blame on me, para magkaroon siya ng hambing na tulog sa gabi. A guilt-free soul is what we all want. Diba?
He talked about this with his friends a lot, I guess. His words did not seem to be him. After knowing all he said about me to his friend, I felt betrayed and shit that time.
At the end, tumigil na ako sa kakatanong. I learned the point that nobody who is going to leave you can make a smooth exit (if you love him, it will always hurt).
I started feeling like nothing. He always pretended like he was super busy whenever I wanted to talk to him, and malalaman ko nalang na he was chatting with his friends and some ramdom person. I felt like I had lost my self-respect. I bet you also feel the same.
Ginawa ko lahat. Loved him, cared about him so much, Never akong nagalit sa kanya, lagi akong nag sosorry kahit hindi ko kasalanan, and even begged him. For my love was blind and he didn& #39;t get that how hard I was trying na ilaban yung relationship namin.
Every day I woke up motivated that "today I& #39;ll talk to him" and hoping na marealize niya lahat. I saw it all fail, every day. I was broken. An old friend of mine supported me a lot through this at gumising sa akin sa katotohanan. I& #39;ll always be grateful for that.
I gave so much of my heart to this person, the heart he didn& #39;t value. Hindi ko alam kung minahal niya ba ako ng totoo sa mga panahong kami pa.
Pinilit ko kong tanggapin ang napakaraming bagay nang maraming beses na sa sandaling tinatanong ko ang aking sarili kung bakit ko ito ginagawa at kung ano ang ipinaglalaban ko kung walang ibang mai-save at naayos ko.
Mabye he was taking me for granted o bored lang siya nung mga panahong yun. So while he was leaving I couldn& #39;t explained again that he meant the world to me, that I didn& #39;t want him to leave.
But he deserves to be happy however bad he is seems to be right now and similarly I deserve more to be happy by whatever means I can be. I must find my happiness, and do whatever I like to do.
I learned my lesson. If life has forced you to learn the lesson, learn it well. And promised never to repeat it. I lost almost half year of my life doing all this, but it was always worth trying.
Dapat ko ng isantabi ang kung ano man yung nararamdaman ko para sa kanya at napagtanto ko na, sarili ko naman ang pipiliin ko.
Wala na akong dapat sabihin pa at malaman because I know enough. The best thing I can do is to let him go, move on at magpatuloy sa buhay nang wala siya.
I couldn& #39;t live feeling pain all the time. It destroys me. I don& #39;t know when or whether I can stop loving him, but one thing for sure I must love myself first.
(I made this thread because I want to share my story tungkol sa mga tatutunan ko in this time of pandemic. And also I can finally let go all the pain. Whoever reads this I am grateful and I hope you will find your true happiness in your own way.)
